There is nothing like expressing a level of honesty that makes you a little bit fearful.  Not only does it push you to take a leap despite any fears you may have, it also usually illicits the most interesting responses.  Sometimes the responses might not be exactly what you wanted, but I have learned that if you are looking for a specific response or outcome in any kind of exchange with another person, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

When I posted my entry Friday, I wasn’t looking for a specific response.  (At least I don’t think I was, but I have to admit part of me, at some level, probably wanted at least someone to write back and say, "Keep going!".)  More than anything, I was half-hoping people would just read it and get on with their day, chalking it up to me having a bad day or, as I said, just being cranky.  Instead I received a beautiful bouquet of comments, kind words and wisdom.

My friend in writing Keri touched upon what I believe is the most fundamental truth about who I am:  an artist.  I am an artist, so therefore I will create.  No matter what.  The truth is that a good majority of what I have created over the past decade or so has only been seen by a few people.  Yet I continue to wake up every single day wanting to create.  I am so full of creative energy these days that I don’t even want to take time out to sleep!  I just shut down the one arena of work that gave me the most consistent (and usually positive) feedback – my graphic design work.  I am now moving into an entirely new chapter in my life as an artist – painting and writing.  In between all that I am collaging everyday and yesterday I spent most of the afternoon drawing.  I don’t know where this will all go, who will see it or if I will ever earn one penny from it.  But I am still doing it, with the knowledge that if I tried to do anything else I would certainly fail miserably because I would be ignoring what I feel most passionate about.

As an artist, I want to share my passions, my work and my creations.  I DO want it to be seen and to be inspiring, but I also know that if I approach any kind of creative work by trying to make something the most "see-able" or marketable I will also fail.  My job is to do one thing:  CREATE.  If what I create gets no response, then I am either not doing my best work or it really isn’t that interesting or unique.  Right now the only way I am able to get any kind of feedback on something I have recently developed an intense passion for – writing – is through this site.  I can either look at that and decide to do what I can to get more feedback or I can look at that and realize it is time to pursue other avenues of getting my work seen.  I can either bemoan the fact that I don’t get 32 comments like so-and-so, or I can let this observation propel me into action and inspire me to push my work further than I’ve been doing.  In every situation – good, bad, uncomfortable, unsettling, or joyful – we have a choice.  Friday I chose to be honest, even though I knew it wouldn’t come across as especially pretty, and I was given many wonderful gifts.  Today I choose to continue to do what I love to do most, which is be an artist, and today that means posting another journal entry on this website, one that is honest, authentic and uncensored.  Today I say thank you, for all the opportunities I have to create and all the lessons I continue to learn through the act of creating.