Orange gerbera daisy on my desk.  Taken August 19, 2005.

When I was in college, I took the Meyers-Briggs "personality" test, which determined that I was an "ENFP", which translates to:

Extrovert (vs. Introvert)
Intuitive (vs. I can’t remember)
Feeling (vs. Thinking)
Perceptive (vs. Judging)

Essentially what this boiled down to was that I tended to get my energy from being around people, I operated more from my instincts or "gut feelings", I approached situations from my heart more than my head, and I did not like to make a lot of plans, preferring instead to keep my time open and follow the flow of whatever happened to inspire me at any given moment.

I would say that some of these traits have stayed with me and taken a firmer hold on my life, one has shifted ever so slightly towards the center, and one has taken a 180-degree turn.  For whatever reason my days as an extrovert are over.  I can talk to pretty much anybody, I have a large circle of friends who I love spending time with, and my social life is probably more active than average.  But in terms of where I need to go to re-fill my deepest energy reserves, the best place for me is wherever I can shut out the world and be still with my thoughts.  I am extroverted in the sense that I savor and need to be around people for inspiration, laughter and meaningful interactions, but I am introverted in the sense that after long stretches of time where I am unable to be alone, I feel very drained and exhausted.  I love and adore my time with friends, but after a certain level of social activity, I am ready to go hide under a rock.

I feel a tad schizophrenic when I think of this – knowing how much my world would fall apart if I did not have consistent face-to-face contact with my friends, family and even the always smiling and friendly woman at the dry cleaners.  Being with people does feed me in profound ways, but I often find myself desperate for stillness and quiet during busy weeks of dinner plans and visits.

This weekend was a whirlwind of fun with two of my dearest girlfriends, a Coldplay concert, a field trip to Dick Blick, and a hell of a lot of laughter.  But by the time everyone was gone and the house quiet, I let out a heavy sigh of contentment, happy to be in my studio all by myself.  As I consider this, I think another way of looking at it is to envision different glasses – my extrovert glass was not just full but overflowing after this weekend, with pink bubbles and sparkly bits dripping down the side, but my introvert glass was running low, in need of my attention and quiet time for re-fueling.  Perhaps the energy I receive from my extrovert glass is what I need to devote focused attention on my introvert glass and vice versa.  For if they are both empty, I am truly lost.  One cannot exist without the other.  I appreciate my alone time more deeply because I have such dear friends who I see fairly often and I value the time I have with other people much more after I have had whatever time I need to focus inward.  As with so many areas of life, it all comes down to an issue of balance.

"Thrice happy he, who by some shady grove,  Far from the clamorous world; doth live his own; Though solitary, who is not alone,  But doth converse with that eternal love."  William Drummond