Comments on: Definitions

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 22:23:00 +0000

There’s an old cliche in 12-step programs: Wanna make God laugh? Tell him/her your dreams. (Forgive the use of the G-word…it carries no religious connotation for me, just a sense of the spiritual/divine that I believe exists in some form.) If we try too hard to control our dreams–wanting them to manifest EXACTLY as we’ve envisioned them–we run the risk of limiting ourselves…possibly there’s something far greater than we’ve imagined just waiting around the corner…

By: maria

maria — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 06:55:01 +0000

Wow — what a powerful post. Not even sure which ‘angle’ to focus on, as there are so many.
I do think sometimes (often) we get the *essence* of the dream, but not exactly in the form we expected or desired. Perhaps we really want to be a mother and have a child of our own, but that particular thing eludes us, and in the meantime, we nurture other people’s children, or a pet. It’s not the same thing and part of us is reticent to accept this ‘substitute,’ but if we look below, the essence of the dream is there. Still, it’s hard and, as you say, we can struggle for a long time to achieve the dream in just the way we want it. It’s a very good question … when to persevere and when to let it go … and I don’t have an answer. Sometimes you see people who persevere and persevere against great odds (athletes come to mind) and ultimately triumph to achieve their dream, so of course we think it’s a good thing they didn’t give up. On the other hand, we also see people continue to push against a brick wall (or we ourselves do it), and never seem to get anywhere, and then one day we have the realization that maybe we should have given up and moved on to something more useful a long time ago … but who’s to know? There’s as much value and growth in the struggling and trying as in the achievement, even though it’s not nearly as much fun.
It’s hard to come to a place of peace about those unfulfilled dreams … maybe in time we can see that whatever *has* happened was actually more perfect in its own way. That requires a lot of faith, and grace. That takes a lifetime to develop, in little layers. In the meantime, we keep on dreaming, and trying, and wondering.
Thanks for a very thought-provoking post.

By: pixie

pixie — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 16:23:57 +0000

oh dear yes, ROUS. “every single human being I come into contact with on any level is coming to the table with his or her own stuff.” when i read this i immediately thought about good old DMR and how he says that when we react, say get offended, by someone’s behavior towards us, it is because they are touching a wound that already exissts. i think when someone disappoints me i react the way i do (sometimes curiously dramatic and hurt)because i don’t take kindly to being let down. some folks learned that lesson and shut down as a result, but those that still have our hearts out on our sleeves, tend to want a bit more.
i’ve always wondered about yearning, which i do each day without fail. can i truly be satisfied? i want to be more simple. being a mom now i find myself more in the present, just with myself or me and miles, and i find i don’t have time to linger in the past or in the future. as i rattle on here, i realize this is something i overthink too. the buddha says that yearning is the opposite of enlightenment. i can see how having expectations or “wanting” can lead to despair. but i am also addicted to forward motion and change. i don’t think i would change if i could because life is exciting for me this way. it may be more simple to let go of all expectations, but for me it would not be very fun.
and i think that is the same for my close relationships. some people i cannot have expectations of, but i have to be in relationship with them. but other *special* friends-we guide each other with our intimacy. i think we choose each other too, but that those who can’t hang (who leave us without friendship when we could’ve kept on trying to work it out) just have other business with the universe that doesn’t involve being intimate with us.
GEE. thanks for holding a space here for me to process my own thoughts on the subject!
p.s. i’ve been getting an email from others entitled “just one word”. it invites you to reply to the person with a one word descriptive of them. a friend emailed me and said “i’m feeling so filled up by these words! its inspired me to…”.
so i want to give you a word: ILLUMINATED
i love you, honey.

By: Kerstin

Kerstin — Tue, 15 Nov 2005 09:00:23 +0000

Hi Christine,
What a beautiful and interesting post.
I think I am quite the opposite; I never had any firm ideas or beliefs with respect to anything that I wanted to do in my life. I never dreamt up my wedding day, or had visions of bringing up my own family, nor did I have any dreams about what I “wanted to be” or the kind of friendships I wanted to have. So on some levels I am suffering the opposite from you in that I have often felt directionless and without focus.
Therefore I am probably not too qualified in giving you any helpful insights on this subject, other than that I do believe that whatever your dream is, it is probably not only ok but necessary to tweak the original version. Simply because as a person you also have changed and developed and added layers and become more complex.
Then again, if your “dream” has a very tangible and clearly defined outcome perhaps another question is: COULD you arrive at this outcome if you changed anything about your situation, rather than your attitude or vision?
One thing that I will always associate with you is your desire to lead an “authentic” life and from what I can see this is exactly what you ARE doing. So keep on walking along that edge because even if you slip you already have the wings to keep carrying you along.
“If growing up is the process of creating ideas and dreams about what life should be, then maturity is letting go again.” (Mary Beth Danielson)
Take care, Kerstin