And Then Her True Self Emerged
December 28, 2005
This morning I posted a comment on a blog I regularly visit, bragging about the fact that one of my goals for the week was to – and I quote - "…let my house get incredibly messy." No sooner had I posted this comment I began to look around, feeling pleased with myself that I had the ability to enjoy the holidays the way they are supposed to be enjoyed – by relaxing, taking it easy and sitting still. "This is totally fine," I thought to myself, "I am feeling genuinely content despite the fact that there are dishes on my living room table from dinner last night. It is OK that every set of sheets and almost every towel in our house needs to be washed. I honestly don’t care that there are piles of magazines to be thrown away, art supplies on our kitchen counter, clothes scattered all over the place and…ohmygosh…what the…holy shit, my house is a &*%!ing MESS!"
Five minutes later I was a flurry of activity, stripping beds, starting laundry, soaking dishes and emptying garbage cans. Returning lamps and linens to their proper place, picking up chocolate wrappers strewn about the house, discovering one of our soup bowls filled with candy ("HEL-LOOO…doesn’t anyone around here know we have candy bowls?!") and righting this very tragic wrong. Folding blankets. Organizing the refrigerator. Wiping down counters.
I like to think of myself as an easygoing gal who doesn’t have to have every item in her household in perfect order. I don’t iron sheets or fold my underwear and I am a firm believer in letting really dirty dishes soak overnight. But as I look at my behavior over the holidays I cannot escape certain unfailing realities. I am a stickler for coasters, recycling and making sure the house smells good. If there is something to be done for a house full of guests I will always do it before I can sit down and relax. In fact, I rarely sit still in the midst of all the festivities because there is always something to be done. The truth is, I enjoy this; taking care of my home and the people I love is a sweet responsibility, and I cherish every dirty dishtowel, every broken wine glass and every unmade bed. It is all evidence of a really fun time.
Now that my house is almost back to normal and I can hear the steady hum of my washing machine, I realize this is just who I am. I can now park my pajama-wearing self back on the couch and stay here all day if I want. I have a stack of books and DVDs and a roaring fire. So I couldn’t do this a few hours earlier with so much of my house in disarray – is that such a crime? Of course not, but I still look back in awe at my wild, free spirit self of this morning, the one that wrote a bold comment on another blog, confident in her proclamation that her house was going to get messy, damnit, and there was nothing anybody could do about it. I’m proud of her, and want to celebrate her footloose and fancy-free spirit. “See,” I say to myself, “I can be a rebel. I can let go. I can be as loosey-goosey as any mindless, irresponsible 12-year old. I can. I really can.”
As soon as I’m done with my laundry.
Giggles. You know it is ok to be who you are! I wish I was more like you. I have done diddly squat as far as cleaning and organizing has gone with my week off work. But I have spent hours doing other things, just not sure what they have been…catching up on naps have been my fav. but the come with the price of guilt for getting nothing “important” done. grins
Love this! I started to feel my own anxiety about the mess the house is still in post-Christmas as I read this. Then realized it is okay, I can feel that way and I can clean. And then relax again. And then change the laundry and then read. Take down some decorations then watch another DVD. Ok…off to start that…
This made me laugh. I am the same. Mrs Tidy who can bear the chaos of free spirit, fun times and creativity (sounds so much more interesting than ‘mess’) for about two minutes.
Maybe it’s the satisfaction that comes with the sense of achievement after decluttering, which allows for a more guilt free period of relaxing. Or maybe it’s just who I am (and my mother would probably nod in agreement): tidy, albeit not obsessively clean, with a desire to live in a comfortable, organised and welcoming environment.
Therefore, living with Mr Slob for the last two months while our own place is resembling a major construction site, has been a major character challenge!
HA!HA!HA! As soon as I started reading this, I knew you couldn’t let it go too long. We are so much alike its scary. I felt really crappy on Monday but I couldn’t sit still until everything was in its place. When did this happen?!? Hope you enjoyed the rest of your day watching movies and reading…and I hope napping too!
Okay, Monica. (A “Friends” reference in case you weren’t a viewer.)
I once took a Polaroid of my desk at (my Portland) home to my job…my coworkers were AGHAST at the huge mess that it was…because I was super-organized at work. I’ve often thought because I’m SO organized in any workplace that I feel an overwhelming need to cut myself a break at home. That said, I still like it when the house is neat and tidy…I’ve just grown comfortable with occasionally allowing myself to make a mess…without the compulsion to clean it right up. And for MY personality, that’s growth in the right direction. 
HA!!! blessings on you…both sides of you…the side that can relax and let it all go (even if only for a few priceless moments) and the you that needs to take care of things, that thrives on order.
This was so funny! I was brought up in a house where everything was spotless and in its place, and where cleaning was done on a schedule … whether something was dirty or not. If it was Saturday, it got cleaned.
It took a long time for me to break away from that programming. Having a child really helped. Havings a dog helped too. And now that it’s two of us *and* two dogs, I feel a sense of accomplishment whenever it doesn’t bother me that the dog walked on the freshly mopped white tile with wet paws (or, more likely, that John walked on it with muddy sneakers). Yay … I’ve come a long way, baby. Why, I’ve even gone as far as having the bathtub in our spare bathroom full of magazines that a friend gave me. How could I pass up stacks of National Geographic, Audubon, etc., when they could be so great for creative projects, I ask you?
… but, I still have a threshold of some kind that kicks in when the messiness reaches a certain level … and then it feels like I can’t do another thing until I straighten up and clean. Aaah … order dooes feels good after a good mess.
hee. I’m the same way. Isn’t it grand!
What a great introduction to your true character! My husband is constantly saying, “Sit down.” And over the years, I have actually developed the ability to do it – for a while. But then my spirit that has been floating free re-enters this compulsive body and – there you go.
Fabulous! I thought I was the only one. Kidding. Hope you have a really happy and creative new year Swirly. I look forward to all that you write in this new fabulous 2006. Cheers to you.
I wish I was more like you. I must’ve had a good time too (because my whole house is a wreck!)
I’d give anything for a fire and a good book right now.
Ha! I love it!
hee, i am the opposite, but still relate to not being able to completely escape, but appreciating the yin and the yang of the messy and the neat!
um, any interest in coming over to my apartment? i could use some of that.