TFGIF
January 27, 2006
A re-enactment of me in bed last night, battling insomnia. Photo courtesy of Sofia Rocha, giant thumb over viewfinder courtesy of Sofia Rocha, brand new doll courtesy of Sofia Rocha.
Can I just say it? This week sucked. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not feeling depressed, believing my life is a misery and all hope for recovery is lost. I’m just saying that this week was not particularly productive, enjoyable, fun or inspiring. This week basically felt like a bust. It happens sometimes.
Monday: Spent the morning driving through hellacious winds on the Pacific Coast Highway, winds so strong and furious I actually got queasy. Spent the afternoon unpacking my car from a week in Solvang and not necessarily putting things away as much as making a lot of piles throughout my studio. By the end of the day what was to become a 72 hour sinus headache made its fury known.
Tuesday: Woke up early, felt good. By 8:00 I was back on the couch with my head pounding and I fell instantly asleep. Did the work I needed to do in order to follow through on commitments I had made to others, then promptly returned to the couch where I slept some more. In bed by 8:30.
Wednesday: Woke up late, felt exhausted. Ran a few errands, did laundry, got on the couch at noon and woke up at 4:00. In bed by 7:30.
Thursday: Felt a bit more energetic and managed to get through the piles on my desk, my floor and my file cabinet, all the while feeling like I was on the verge of having a panic attack. Crying over a taco salad at dinner. Missing my grandma. Feeling like a nutcase. In bed by 8:30, then tossed and turned for who knows how long, tormented by the whirring helicopters hovering over our neighborhood, a constant presence here.
Friday: Woke up at 5:30am. What the f***?
At this point I have to laugh. I mean really, this is all quite silly, don’t you think? I had certain expectations for the week and they all fell apart because my body needed to be still for a while. I might have averted a nasty cold, or I might have just been exhausted. In either case, what is done is done and I might as well toss it all in a big helium balloon and send it on its merry way.
I must be careful, however, because the week also had its gifts, and many of them came at a time when they were least expected and therefore had the most impact. A wonderful email from a woman named Sunny, comments on my blog from my dear Pixie that never, ever fail to make me laugh out loud (C’mon!), a letter from Penelope, a book in the mail sent by a remarkable woman named Lisa, piles of beautiful postcards, a CD from Mati, a phone call from Melissa. During my divorce I learned that in the midst of any chaos or heartbreak, there is still much beauty and joy to be had. I hardly experienced chaos or heartbreak this week, but it wasn’t exactly fun wanting to dive into my studio but having not one ounce of energy to do so. Despite this frustration, now that I look back on some of these sweeter, smaller moments I realize I my original assessment of this week is inaccurate.
Can I just say it? This week was less than ideal. It wasn’t what I wanted. But it wasn’t without its gems, and I treasure those. This week was a little bit of a bust, but it also had its high points. It happens sometimes.
Christine, I’m so sorry about your week! I can get so grouchy when I have creative plans and things get in the way of pursuing them. Just something like having to go to the store can make me feel like such a troll and I have to remind myself how lucky I am to have as MUCH time as I do have to be creative! Every once in a while a glimpse into other lives provides a perspective check that gives me a deep surge of gratitude. Or… I just go on acting like a troll.
I hope you can have a lovely weekend and really get back on track by monday!
- Laini
I want to comment on your trying week but I’m too astounded right now by all the amazing postcards you have received. I just visted flickr and am simply blown away and so deeply inspired by them. I wish you weren’t having such a tough week but how amazing you are that you created this project that people all over the world are working on even while you are resting. When you put out as much good energy and inspiration as you do, you’re bound to get a teeny bit worn out and crabby sometimes.! Heres to your headache flying away with a yellow silk parachute.
I have weeks like that too, more often than I’d like. I keep thinking that I need to simply PLAN my regular downtime so that I don’t keep pushing ahead too much too fast, only leading to overwhelm/burnout and what turns out to be a longer recovery than if I’d just had a more rational schedule and more realistic expectations to begin with. But I just keep doing it … feeling like there is so much I want to do and have to do that there IS no time for those regular recharging days. Then I have to ‘do it over’ anyway when my body or low energy level force me to slow down. Insanity, I know. I just keep thinking, ‘if only I were a little more organized,’ or ‘a little more disciplined,’ or maybe working instead of catching up on blogs
, I would get on top of it all.
So yes, this week sucked for me, too (and so did last week), and I love your line: It happens sometimes.
It does.
oh well, there’s always next week and your taking some beautiful love and support with you from this one.
i just caught the extra “F” in TFGIF.
it made me crack up out loud. i needed that this morning.
i love that you embraced the gifts in the midst of a tough week. i was having one myself…and have decided to write down the gifts i’ve received. thank you for this reminder!
you are a beautiful soul.
So did you find any hidden money from all the couch time?
Maybe it was some cosmic interference? Because my week wasn’t all that great, either, and I had two days of sinussy headaches, something I VERY rarely get. Well, today the sun is shining, outside, as well as in my heart after reading your post, like there is some comfort in shared misery, plus your wonderful musings always bring a ray of light to my soul.
Kx
I hope you have a better weekend with some deserved sunshine for YOUR soul
body – mind – spirit
my mind likes to think it is
MIND/spirit
___________
body
{as in, exerting control over body}
i’m working on making it a balance of the three.
and sometimes, that means relinquishing control and letting the body do as it needs.
blessings to you ~
leonie
It is amazing that even in the midst of a crappy week we can find some gems. I know you were feeling bad all week but you were a HUGE support to me. Thank you so much for being such a wonderful friend! You are always there …even when you feel crappy. I love you!!!
I can’t stop laughing over your picture. I have SO been there several times this week! Next time I’m up at 3:38 am I know that picture will be burning an hole in my mind. Lisa
Hm. Sounds like you should have given me a call. I was up yeasterday, too.
Fortunately, there is another week coming and its got to be better.
oh my dear god i love it! thursday: crying over taco salad-friday: what the fuck?! i am laughing my ass off. we both know that if we lose our sense of humor we will be so screwed beyond return! no apologies my friend. bring on the tears and tacos! i love you.
finding the gems in a week that was less than ideal – a good reminder. glad that you seem to be taking care of yourself. hope this week is better and full of gems and that you are feeling healthy.