My best buddy Sofia.  WARNING:  It is impossible to resist smiling when looking at this photo.  If you insist on being in a bad mood, close this window immediately and carry on with your grumpy self.

It is funny how easily we can get used to a situation that isn’t especially ideal.  Now that we are in escrow on a house in LA, coordinating the logistics of packing up and moving two houses, and planning our move-in date – after which we will only be living in ONE HOUSE – I suddenly see a light at the end of a tunnel I did not know I was in.  That is not to say I feel like my life has been a misery, but I did not realize how much all of this back and forth and unsettledness had drained me.  To think of being in our own home – our haven – in this big crazy city, and being able to enjoy it every day of the week, is a revelation.  No more packing a bag on Friday and unpacking it Monday.  No more forgetting my laptop in Solvang and being without it for the next five days in LA.  No more having to close the window in my studio when I talk on the phone because it is so noisy outside.  I am very thankful that we have been able to live where we are now near Venice.  It is a nice place, close to the beach & cafes and a short drive to LAX.  But it is not our home and we knew all along it was temporary, so I have never allowed myself to feel too settled here.  The thought of finally having a space of our own sends a huge weight flying off my shoulders, a weight I got used to and hadn’t noticed in a long, long while.  I will say a heartfelt thank you to this place when we leave, but I must say I am extremely happy to be moving on.

I have also moved into a space of total acceptance with regard to letting go of our Solvang house.  It has been back on the market for a few weeks now, and if it still has not sold by the time we empty it out in another few weeks it will remain on the market and be shown without furniture.  I was so resistant to selling it last spring, so much so that I had a dream that people were bombing it and forcing me to run for my life from it.  Almost a year later, I can finally release it with nothing but gratitude because we love the house we are buying in LA so much.  The entire time we have been in LA, I have continued to feel like our only real home was our Solvang home, and it was therefore devastating to think of losing it.  Now that we have a place that we know is perfect for us in LA, I am ready to say farewell to Solvang, knowing we might someday return.

I wrote recently of honing in on my life’s most meaningful work, and I know this move is going to be a significant catalyst for that.  This move is going to simplify my life in a variety of ways, and all that time that I won’t have to spend packing, unpacking, driving and managing can be spent on more creative pursuits.  I have friends who thrive on keeping their calendars packed and are constantly on the go.  This works well for them and that is great, but I am not one of those people.  When we first moved to LA and had no internet access, I had to go to Starbuck’s to check email.  I went to one of the two Starbuck’s on Montanta Avenue in Santa Monica, and one morning a dark-haired woman was meeting with someone who was obviously some kind of agent or manager.  She was quite lovely and talking about all of her recent travels & activities, all of which seemed to be centered around acting, publicity, and trying to get famous.  I think it might have been someone who now graces the pages of most celebrity magazines, and I just happened to stumble across her just before she exploded onto the scene in Desperate Housewives.  To hear her talk of her crazy schedule exhausted me, but I suppose in the end she got what she wanted.  That is why I know I’ll never be famous, because I would never want to be that damn busy.

There are always going to be moments in life when THE THINGS WE HAVE TO DO take over any deeper desires for simplicity or stillness.  Right now I am in the midst of one of these spells, and that is fine.  I don’t have a whole lot of time for many of the smaller things I enjoy, but everything I am doing is leading me to a place in which I’ll have more time than ever to create a less hectic rhythm in my day to day life.  In between many of the sentences I have written in this journal entry, I have stopped to watch two birds outside my window fluttering around, building a nest and taunting each other.  While observing them, I am reminded of the precious gift that awaits me after all the dust settles and my to do lists are emptied out:  a beautiful home with a giant palm tree, a sun-filled studio and enough time to watch more birds and simply observe this delicate, complicated, delightful world.