Continuation
October 26, 2006
Graffiti on a building in Buenos Aires. Taken October 2006.
"Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who, with their soul, encourages another person to be brave and true." Charles Dickens
How fascinating it is to put something out in the world – a work of art, a piece of writing or a simple question – and see what comes back. The response to the question I posted last week about blogging was tremendous, filling the post with comments galore. This week’s question is probably now feeling a bit like the ugly stepsister of the first question with no one really wanting to pay much attention to it, although the responses that have been given are all quite thought provoking and compelling in their honesty.
I must admit that my relationship with blogging and the online world has felt peculiar in many ways and I have often struggled with the question of what the purpose of all of it is. It would be easy for me to sit back and rest easy on the notion of me simply wanting to share my work and inspire others, but I have to admit that the thought of my blog and site growing in popularity and thereby improving my career also crosses my mind quite a bit. For the most part my blog and website have found their way into the world on their own and I think the main reason for that is longevity – I’ve had a website for Swirly since 1996. I’ve never paid for any special online marketing through my web server, Google, or anything else, and I’ve never looked into what it would take to accept advertising on my blog or site.
I tend to get immediately turned off by people who have any kind of deep need for "fame" and have a difficult time with the idea of constant self-promotion. I am also not especially fond of the growing intensity of celebrity presence in our everyday lives. I recently saw a magazine ad for a Vera Wang mattress and am physically incapable of not shaking my head in disbelief when I think of this. I see this trend – where actors, artists, singers, athletes and designers are not happy with simply being actors, artists, singers, athletes and designers, but now feel compelled to create an entire "lifestyle brand" – and I feel myself pulling away from any desire to push hard to get my work and my name out in the world any more than it already is. As positive as my message might be, and as much as I believe in my work and the power of it to inspire others to follow their dreams – which I think is perhaps the most important thing we can all do in this world – I am actually quite fearful of getting too caught up in any kind of self-promotion frenzy. I want to continue being an artist and continue making a positive difference in the world; it is very important to me to have a mission for my life that is positive and that, in some way, serves the world. But I am wary of crossing the line from healthy ambition to blind ambition; for some reason this fear has begun to feel a bit overwhelming. At what point does it become too much?
This post is not turning out to be at all what I initially planned on writing about, but I am going to post it the way it is rather than agonize over every sentence and worry that I’m not making sense. Maybe I’m not making sense and maybe my writing is too scattered today. How did a conversation about online interactions replacing face to face interactions become – let’s call it what it is – a rant on celebrity culture and my question of where the hell I’m supposed to fit into all of this?
I suppose it is connected like this – online communities can serve a wonderful purpose and I think they have done a lot of positive things, but I believe it is important we stop now and then and look at how much time is spent at our keyboards. The time we spend being inspired and uplifted by blogs, discussion groups and websites is, in a way, ensuring we spend even more time physically alone. I love checking up on what other artists and creative souls are up to in their blogs, but I cannot tell you how many times a week I ache over the fact that I can’t call my very best friend and say, "Let’s meet for tea this afternoon", because she is many, many miles away. I drive around LA and cannot help but feel lonely, looking at all the thousands of people in their cars, going who knows where, grumpy and stuck in traffic. I do feel less alone in the world reading about the day to day experiences of other artists, writers & bloggers, but in many ways I’ve also never felt quite as disconnected from the world as I do living in LA. Is this exploration into the blogging universe really just a look at my own personal struggles? Maybe so, but I wonder if this isn’t something we are all at odds with and all need to take a look at.
This past weekend I finally finished Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton, a book I have been taking my time with for months, wanting to savor it for as long as possible. It was a beautiful book, and my copy now has dozens of passages underlined and highlighted, but when I finished it I could not help but feel a certain kind of sadness. Sadness at her isolation, at the fact that while her solitude – much like so many of us – was absolutely necessary for her creative energy to be at its purest, it was also a lonely existence. Reading her words was a bit like looking into my own psyche. I understood so well the tension that existed in her life as a result of her needing solitude yet also craving deep human connection.
"…the truth is that whatever good effect my work may have comes, rather, from my own sense of isolation and vulnerability."
I have a feeling my brain is about to going into overdrive…we’ll see where this goes next…
That’s cool! Sometimes there is a fine line between tagging and art.
I wanted to get in on this conversation before, but since I’m not blogging anymore, I felt weird about it. I think that your last group of questions give me an in, though.
Ever since I left the blogging community I’ve felt more at peace. I still read several blogs every day, but I rarely comment or participate. I’m back to being a lurker.
I orginally started blogging because I like to write and I thought it would be fun…when people actually started reading it I was surprised. When I gained a following, I was even more taken aback. When my blog started to help me with my career, I began to believe I couldn’t live without it. How would I get myself out there? How would I reach people with my message?
But then the pressures became too great. Just as you’ve said, there’s a fine line between wanting to get yourself out there and becoming too caught up in the fame game. My life has improved 100-fold since I took down my site. That’s not to say I don’t appreciate all of the wonderful people who read my blog…but I do feel that interacting with people in real-life has been a more rewarding experience for me and it has also been healing.
I don’t wish to discount my virtual friends, who, like you, have become real-life friends. You and the others are an integral part of my life. If I hadn’t gone to the retreat, I don’t think I’d be on the journey I am now.
But going offline and discovering myself again was amazing and it led me back to my true passion: teaching. I’ve never been happier than I am right now working with children every evening. I did not get the same satisfaction from writing or photography. I see that now.
However, I never would have arrived at this place without the years of soul-searching I did on my blog. So it absolutely did it’s job, and I think it can be a positive influence for people. As long as you can navigate the tight-wire properly.
Mmm… the dark side of blogging. I started mine a year ago as means to explore my feelings through art and to talk about my teaching practice. I loved the regular practice of being accountable to my dreams and purposes. For me my blog has been an invocation. For the first half of the year I did not even look at another blog, I wanted to develop an authentic voice and did not want to be influenced by what others were doing.
Now in the past months I see that there is an enormous universe out there and it can be quite addictive. I question it. I use my blog to wrestle with issues and solidy new directions yet I can see that now with more readers checking in, sudddenly I feel more compelled to report. I have to resist the urge to offer glossed over posts and be very authentic and human in my writing even when I am not doing very well.
I think that blogging that is a sharing of our human dilemmas and struggles is form of honesty and connection but even that can be too much of a good thing. I love the comment above. There is a big deep life out there to be lived and too much time in front of the computer can be a huge distraction from finding our place in it.
I read your blog daily to keep a connection with you. It feels like I am much closer than the 3,000 miles that separate us. And oh there are so many days that I wish I could meet you for a cup of tea my dear. For me, I think blogging is a way of connecting with dear friends who are way to far away!
A Vera Wang MATTRESS? I will join you in shaking my head.
A few weeks ago there was a SF Bay Area event called “LitQuake.” I went to one of the shows and what amazed me from the readings was how pure the performances were. It wasn’t about light shows or fancy costumes. The musicians and writers who performed were just in this state of BEING an artist. They embodied it completely. It was not a cloak they wore. It really inspired me to think more in terms of BEING what I want, not trying to “have” what I want.
Of course, those are the principles of manifestation, right? Be it, then do it, then you have it rather than trying to have something in order to do something in order to be something.
xo,
K
I worked for The Gap for 15 years. It was driven into me that “BIGGER IS BETTER”. In most corporate retail if a store makes the same amount of money as last year you are considered a failure regardless of other factors (stores opening/closing in your area and the world economy)
My views have shifted since being home with my children for the last 3 years. I now value connection and community and purchasing with integrity.
I think that many more people feel like I do now, but we don’t know it because mass media portrays the majority of the population as believeing “bigger is better”
Here is the dilema for me…
We all have to buy milk and medicine. To do this we need money. As a small business owners we need people to know about our businesses otherwise we won’t have money for the milk and medicine.
A line exists for each of us…
What we will do to have that milk and medicine and what it means to live an authentic life with integrity. I struggle with this balance dialy…
with where my line is…
I am a baby in the blogging world. I just started a few months ago, and what I post on it is just silly, I think. I started a weekly project and made the commitment there on the blog to keep with it, I must say it’s been this commitment that has kept me going, even though I know there’s not so many people looking at it, I know that it’s important to keep with it. I don’t stick with new projects very long, my mind likes to wander a lot, so knowing I have to post every week has helped me get past the beginning stage and really explore where it wants to go. I’m having a lot of fun and I love reading other blogs too, mainly for inspiration because we are like eggs with a hard but thin shell and if you’re like me, you will feel more comfortable writing it down, It’s a deeper connection that just talking to someone, for example if I met you at your store you probably wouldn’t start telling me about your trip to Argentina and what’s on your mind, and I probably wouldn’t open up just instantly. so this is a really useful tool to see past the thin hard shell of other like-minded people, I just love this kind of forum. your posts are insightful and I love them!
good luck with all your projects too.
r
ps, this post has been my official farewell to lurking!