Although I have quite a bit more work to do before my book proposal is finalized and ready to mail, I felt inspired to give some attention today to more administrative tasks, which included giving my studio a good cleaning (or at least a so-so cleaning).  Over the past week or so it has become a picture of chaos, with papers, materials, pictures, books and other items strewn about all over the place.  This is the result of being in a creative whirlwind, but the closer I get to my self-imposed deadline, the more I feel the need to be at least a tiny bit organized.  The concepts and ideas for the book started loose and wild and untamed, and while I still have a ways to go before I know I’ve got it nailed, everything is starting to get honed down to a sharper point.  As the book becomes more structured, so must my envioronment.  There will probably be one more round of wildness and by early next week I think I’ll be facing another day in a studio that looks like a tornado plowed through it, but for right now I feel prepared to take the next steps towards finishing my proposal.  It is just now 5:00pm, and my "work day" is just now about to begin.

It is an interesting exercise, this proposal.  It is sometimes pretty challenging to decide on a certain layout, image and/or piece of writing and not second guess it.  Will anyone want to read it?  Is it too honest?  Not cheery enough?  Positive enough?  This proposal is for a book that does not aim to provide answers as much as I want it to encourage readers to explore questions.  Is this a marketable idea?  I am quite curious to know where this will go.  What I want more than anything is to say something truthful, something authentic, even if it doesn’t provide easy answers.  In fact, the less it inspires easy answers, I think the better.

The creative process can sometimes feel like a petri dish for self-doubt…all those tiny germs percolating in one place, morphing and multiplying in all kinds of crazy ways.  An artist’s life is one with no guarantees and no certainty – we have to do our best work and hope other people in the world will like it, understand it and actually fork over their hard earned dollars for it, in whatever form it may be.  I was telling a friend yesterday over lunch about the work I am doing now on the proposal and she remarked, "Wow, that is a lot of work for something they might say no to."  It was only later that I realized her statement was perhaps the most fundamental truth of life as an artist.  We have to work as hard as we can, and whoever we share it with might say no to it.  But in order to create our most meaningful work, we have to completely let go of thinking about whether or not anyone will like it.

So back to my book I go, with nary a thought of whether or not it will be something the world embraces.  That is my work.  That is my challenge.