Enjoying bizarre 80 degree weather a few weeks ago.

I sometimes feel as though I live from one set of extremes to another, needing to slingshot out of one mode into its polar opposite in order to maintain some semblence of internal balance.  I don’t think there is anything particularly wrong with this, it is just sometimes funny to see certain shifts in myself and how quickly and firmly entrenched I can be in two opposite extremes.  From Thanksgiving to the new year I got almost no work done, instead putting on my Martha Stewart hat and flitting around like a holiday fairy on crack, zipping here and there with daily mile-long to do lists.  Once 2007 arrived, I was in full-on studio seclusion, first creating and finalizing a book proposal and then moving immediately into show mode, whose final reward was a beautiful show earlier this month.

I am now in what I like to call distraction mode, where if someone were to knock on my door and ask me if I wanted to go help give a llama a bath, I’d jump at the opportunity.  When my friend Helen called me last Friday and said, "What are you doing the rest of the afternoon?" my cheery response was, "NOTHING!" even though I had a full page list of things I wanted to get done by the end of the week, most of which remained untouched because that day was the last day of a week filled with such diversions.  The day before another friend called in the morning to see if I was free for lunch.  We later had delicious pasta and a bottle of wine at my favorite Italian restaurant in Santa Monica and were still hanging out at 6:00 that evening.  Yesterday I got new glasses (much needed) and emptied out most of the art supply clearance bins at Michael’s craft stores for a box headed to Afghanistan, where a friend of a friend will be distributing them to the local children.   What will today bring?  I don’t know – do you have a llama I can help you wash?

I have another show in just over a month, so I can’t stay in this devil-may-care existence for too long, but right now I am trying to stay soft in the idea of just letting myself be.  I have a tendency to get wrapped up in the idea of being SuperWoman – able to create stacks of artwork, keep my home spotless and be a devoted and loving wife and friend, all in the space of a day – and the truth is that there are times when this idea simply does not serve me.  So today I might not get everything on my to do list done and I might even leave my house for an errand and end up at a movie.  Or I might be a flurry of productivity, especially if I go for a second cafe au lait this morning.  Either way my greatest goal at this point is to be light.  To be still inside.   And maybe instead of giving that imaginary llama of mine a bath, I’ll just take her for a walk.