Whirlwind
December 12, 2007
Nine of ten new originals now up on Etsy to launch my first of monthly online sales!
Over the past 48 hours I have been a blur to anyone who might have been within 50 feet of me, trying to be an Artist as well as a Holiday Home Decorator/Party Planner. My husband and I are hosting a holiday fete for about 70 people from his work this evening, so I’ve had to be festive, creative and festively creative in order to make the house ready for the party and launch my first of new monthly online sales today. The good news is that the house is sparkling and I’ve already sold two pieces, and while I hesitate to dampen that good cheer with "bad news", I must admit I feel like I am reaching the end of my ability to be a Tasmanian Devil of a woman trying to balance my personal and professional lives.
Despite all the fun, color and creativity I have been indulging in this week, there has been a growing layer of anxiety and anger around the craziness of my days. I feel like I am in a race, that if I dare to sit still for more than ten minutes I will lose precious time trying to Get It All Done. This is not who I want to be; this is not the way to live life in the moment.
I don’t think I am alone in struggling with this, and I would love to open up the floor, so to speak, to learn about how everyone deals with this. I have made it a priority to get my life back in better balance, and this started with my first session with a career coach on Monday. A little background to new readers: my husband and I moved to LA three years ago, and in that time we have moved five times and traveled a great deal. On top of this the learning curve from quiet life with a semi-retired boyfriend in Solvang to life in the fast lane in Los Angeles with high-powered career huband has taken about this long for me to figure out. Because of all this, I would say more than half my time has been occupied by things other than work over the past three years.
I am fine with my choices – it was the way things had to be for a while, unsettled and in unfamiliar territory – and I’m not about to complain that I’ve been fortunate enough to indulge in one of my greatest passions, travel. However, I have realized that certain habits are now deeply ingrained that make my ability to manage my time effectively for work practically non-existent. I have developed a mindset that makes me downright fearful of diving too deeply into my work because I worry that some other personal distraction will pull me away at the most inconvenient moment. I have moments of perfect clarity about where I want to go and where I am capable of going with my work, and these experiences are always accompanied by a little voice saying, "Don’t get too carried away…"
The truth is, I am ready to get carried away…I want to leap off the cliff as boldly as I can. I did it twelve years ago with Swirly, and I am ready to do it again. To think big. To follow through. To create a grand vision and stay on that path.
I will be working with this career coach on a number of projects, but the biggest part of the work we will be doing is addressing this fearful voice. It will not do any good for me to come up with action plans and timelines if I continue to live my life in the patterns that have been formed ever since moving to LA. I have been taking large and small steps over the past many weeks to shift things as much as I can, but I am now ready to burn these fears to the ground and begin the new year with a better structure in place for managing my personal life and my professional life.
I believe this is a particularly difficult struggle for women, as we are the caretakers, the nurturers, the ones who make our homes a haven for our husbands and families. My priority is my marriage and I get a great deal of fulfillment within all of my responsibilities as my husband’s wife, but I also know that I do not do myself or our home any good if I take too much time and energy away from my own identitiy, independence and work. And this is exactly where my greatest challenges exist – in that space where I could do laundry or I could start a new painting, in those moments where I have to choose between cleaning up the kitchen or creating a new blog entry. Those seemingly mundane moments have become the most pivotal, where I am faced with two facets of my life that have turned into two opposing forces. They do not need to be at war with one another, but in order for greater harmony to develop between them, I must now be willing to do whatever work needs to be done to create a healthier balance. The deepest mining is about to begin.
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Ten new paintings were created for my first monthly online sale at special introductory prices, and three have already sold. Order by next Wednesday, December 19 for Christmas delivery!
your so right about those pivotal moments and balance of our own identity and roles in life.yes i find that too.
i love your art.
Hi Swirly,
I’m a mom, a full time college student, an artist, a writer, a sometimes-yoga practitioner, a pet owner, a want-to-be health nut, a runner, a reader, a lover, a friend, a photographer, a blogger, an activist and a housekeeper who wants to learn to make her own candles and soaps and who already makes her own beauty products. Currently, I am also looking into starting my own business.
When you find out the secret to keeping balanced, please, please, please, let me know.
*hugs*
Sarah
Good for you! I’m glad you took this important step. It’s always a balancing act, but by knowing yourself intimately, you’ll have a better understanding of the opportunities,(and priorities) inherent in each moment.
i love you… that’s what i wanted to say to you this morning … xoxoxoxo
Although I do believe it is a good thing to set high standards for ourselves, I think we get use to a level of …whatever and then find anything less uncomfortable and put undue pressure on ourselves to maintain that level.
I am thinking specifically about the appearance of my home. I have lowered my organization/cleaning standard since being married with children. This took me a long time to be comfortable with and many many conversations with my sister who lives out of state and has similiar issues about the standard of her home now that she is a wife, mother of two very young ones, and a fulltime high powered executive.
Fortunately I have a husband who doesn’t comment either way~ but I grew up with everything in its place. That just is not possible for me if I want to have any down time and/or creative time.
I think it is about creating a new normal. My new mormal is that there are sometimes Christmas Ornaments drying on the kitchen counter that the children made for their aunties and that there are several works in progress piled on my desk and that the chairs are sticky and stained because my children are messy and there is a BIG pile of my husband’s papers that I just moved to a pretty basket because who knows when he will get to it.
I see the beauty in the mess most days.
Love the colors in your new work!
XO,
Melba
i find for me, when things get the thickest, the most hectic, the most flurried and blurry and my whole body is screaming “overwhelm”, I stop everything and get outside and walk, even around the block… that’s my go-to, sure to give me perspective cure. Good luck with all the new work, endeavors, and burning down the fear! [you could re-write the old Talking Head song as a motto]
Get a good housekeeper! It’s worth every penny! You are so talented my friend!!!
i just wanted to come by to say i love you and miss you.
i heard a song today that reminded me of your girl series. how cool is that?
the brady bunch rocks.
xo
I think you are very brave and as you say, many woman feel this way. I juggled those exact problems for 14 years. It is always such a challenge. I myself haven’t figured it out yet either. As you know, I am on my own journey in the hopes that it helps me figure it out. If the sky opens up and the answers fall, I will certainly share them with you.
Oh…P.S. your art is fabulous! If it makes you happy and time flys when you paint, then this a good indication you are on track!
here is the thing…as creative people, we can never settle for that “one” thing that will make us seemingly content..we are constantly having to redirect focus for the things in life that are necessary and the things in life that we want to do and want to be…having obviously just gone through some of what you are going through, I think one way is to give yourself space to be ok with all the conflict and the idea that somedays are just going to be full of shit and not fun, and then other days are going to be productive and inspiring beyond belief…in other words…staying open and relaxed…taking the small victories each day and being proud..sometimes a blog entry and doing the dishes is a victory, sometimes creating the perfect party (which by the way, you guys still have not surpassed the famous empty house party of 80 people..get on it!) and sometimes writing about all of the things that are there and challenging, as you have done, is enough to clear your mind and give you the next moment you have been waiting for. I think you are amazingly multi task oriented and like you said…maybe to a fault these days…but hey, you have a ton of creative power and huge love for so many things and people..you are Swirly and that’s that..you could always both move to boulder and be ski bums with me!
love ya…and keep breathing…
j
this is just the sort of thing that i’m focusing on in the new year. the balance thing is wickedly difficult to find for me as well. with all that wild and crazy traveling and transitioning, it’s no wonder that you’ve had trouble finding your feet. i’m sure a coach will help you focus, but also remember to continue to be gentle and load up on the self-care. i find that taking care of myself first tends to help me stay balanced. xox
oh man, christine, i feel this, too. especially lately. it feels my life has escaped without ME.