I am not exactly sure why, but today is turning out to be the day I feel like Christmas has officially begun.  I ran errands to pick up extra wrapping paper and a few gifts and added finishing touches to the house before my mom arrives tomorrow.  Almost all of the presents are wrapped, packages have been shipped, the house is twinkling and holiday music CDs are standing by to be played continually over the next few days.  Christmas is here, and I am experiencing a strange combination of gratitude, melancholy, peace and excitement.  I don’t think this is particularly uncommon…the holidays have a way of magnifying all kinds of emotions, memories, dreams and longings.  Maybe my subconscious is taking advantage of this quiet moment to let a few things spill out, operating from an awareness that once tomorrow begins, Christmas begins, which looks to be filled with all kinds of fun and merriment.  That time will come soon enough.  For right now, I am simply listening to music, writing and letting the stillness seep through my bones.

I am tempted to delve into a memoir of this year, with lists of highs and lows, dreams realized and goals I’ve already set for the new year.  I usually write an annual holiday letter to include with Christmas cards, but this year it didn’t happen – not even the cards.  I thought I might feel more guilt about that, but as much as this year’s letter would have been filled with all kinds of exciting! fabulous! and crazy! adventures, I just wasn’t moved to sit down and write it.  This was the year of too much in many ways, and perhaps it still feels too fresh in my mind, perhaps the idea of pulling up all the details of this year of overwhelm was too much to consider right now.  It is not because I feel regretful or resentful, as 2007 was filled with many extraordinary gifts and has turned out to be a launching pad for a more meaningful chapter in my work and a deeper journey of deciphering my place in the world.  I look to next year with arms open wide and feeling like  my hair is blowing wildly in the wind, sun on my face, the air smelling of ocean waves and sand.  Perhaps because my sights are so firmly set on the future, moreso than usual, it was too difficult to imagine putting so much focus on the past twelve months, lovely as they were.

I am feeling held and supported by the universe, that all is as it should be, that life will continue to offer me guideposts, gifts, lessons and beauty.  I will dive into Christmas tomorrow carrying this delicate emotion with gentle hands, and I will do my best to share it, to let its light glimmer wherever illumination is needed.

Merry Christmas.