Isolation
January 4, 2008
At this time of year when everyone is taking stock, doing reviews and planning overhauls, rearrangements and improvements of some sort, I have been pondering the notion of happiness, and how impossible it seems to be to hold on to it for any significant length of time. I suppose if we all reached a state of bliss that we knew could never be improved upon, we would eventually stagnate and wilt in the stillness of our euphoric state, but I wonder if our constant need to reach for something higher, better, more, or different is causing us to miss out on the beauty that already exists in our lives as they are. No matter what anyone’s blessings, fortunes, successes or freedoms, I sometimes feel like the idea of the grass being greener on the other side is a constant presence over – and in some cases barrier to – our ability to live in the present and in a state of acceptance. The idea that our deepest happiness can only come when A, B or C happens is, perhaps, nothing more than being human, but I still find myself puzzled over this very real trap we humans seem to ensnare ourselves in on an almost daily basis.
[I could easily go in circles here and say maybe I ought to live in a state of acceptance about the fact that true happiness is not possible for humans because we are wired to always find something else to strive for, and maybe this is what makes the world go round, so to speak, but I'll try not to chase my own tail here.]
I could never make the claim that I am not guilty of staring at my neighbor’s lawn and believing that if only I had their perfectly manicured landscaping I would feel secure, content, satisfied, loved, safe or maybe even all of the above. But for some reason I have lately been enamored with the idea of approaching my life from a much more inward place…a place where I have a certain level of psychic/spiritual/soulful isolation, where other people’s opinions, examples, definitions, standards, judgements and accomplishments were simply not there, and I instead put all of my trust in the guidance, care and support of God (The universe? My higher self? Buddha? I have a difficult time picking one official name for my spiritual life.) What do the circumstances of my life begin to look like when public opinion and wanting is taken out of the equation and I instead focus my energies on listening as deeply as possible to the wise voice that is always available to me if I am willing to open myself up to it?
Desires, goals, dreams, visions…these are not bad forces in the world. They can be inspiring and light-filled and give us a sense of purpose, but at what point do they pull us away from that space in our souls where all is as it should be, where we are supported and cared for and where our most fundamental purpose on earth is to breathe and live and sing and shine in each moment? How do we hold that sacred space within our hearts while also moving forward with a sense of purpose and meaning? How can we create a sense of acceptance that makes us feel powerful rather than resigned?
I have not made any new year’s resolutions, but I have set goals, started new projects and made a lot of plans. I feel a sense of loss in certain areas of my life and will admit I sometimes feel disdain and resentment towards people who have something I sometimes feel desperate for. I get caught in the trap of shining the brightest light on what I don’t have just like everyone else. But in 2007 the moments where I was able to sink into the sometimes muddy reality of what is seemed to magnify and hold my attention for longer than ever before, and rather than make me feel out of control or somehow lacking, these moments made me feel incredibly powerful, strong and purposeful. Without all the clutter, everything felt lighter and the air around me seemed to glow. These moments were actually rather fleeting most of the time, but in experiencing them I have come to realize that this is my deeper purpose, that this is the journey I need to follow. Life can be adorned with many wonderful experiences, accomplishments and yes, material objects, but the deepest joy exists in those rare instances of clarity, when there is no wanting, no yearning, no clinging to any sort of ideal life we believe exists somewhere other than exactly where we are.
Just came across your blog. What a wonderful post. Really inspiring & some food for thought. Sometimes I feel like a hamster on a wheel & this was just the push I needed to get off-if only for a moment.
“…the idea of the grass being greener on the other side is a constant presence over – and in some cases barrier to – our ability to live in the present and in a state of acceptance.” too true! Stumbling upon this post was kismet for me; this was just the kind of inspiration I needed, thank you!
thank for sharing these wise, brave words.
what a great post….a great read…great insight !!!
My opinion why others opinions may no longer mean anything to you or at least aren’t as important anymore…AGE !!!
I think that as we get older, we look inside ourselves so much more for acceptance and kind of have an ” I don’t care what you think” attitude towards others.
It hit me around 38…and maybe that was late compared to the smart ones who find this idea earler…but now I’m 43 and love living with the freedom I have found with “age”
oh yeah…and I’d love for you to come visit me at,,
http://www.seasidedreamer.blogspot.com
Currently I am knee deep in the struggle of wondering _______…. strange, when I just tried to define how I am feeling in one word I wasn’t able to do it. My mind simply drew a blank.
I connected with your words and feel many of the things you do. Thank you for posting this. I needed this today.
Now I am going to try to find out what I am really struggling with.
This really struck a chord in me… thank you so much for writing this today.
What a fantastic post, so true. I think about this a great deal and wonder…….but, maybe that’s where some of the beauty and inspiration truly is….in the wonder of it all…….and certainly being true to oneself, that ‘higher power’. I don’t think material things create happiness…they are simply an aesthetic that make us feel good and sometimes bad. I think learning and reminding oursleves to be present and aware of where we are at this very moment in life, and smile regardless, is pinnacle. I know I am still learning.
Hello, Christine. This is the first time I have read your blog and already I am in love. You are an amazing artist and writer and I am so thankful to have stumbled upon your journal.
You have raised many great questions in this post. I am so thankful for your honesty. I too have found myself unable to grasp or hold onto any speck of happiness for any significant amount of time. I feel as though I am on the road to progress but wonder if I will ever be satisfied. I am wondering if I need to change my vocabulary from “happiness” to “contentment.” I feel the word “contentment” is a little more obtainable and practicle for me in this life. Much more so than “happiness.” Just a thought…
Swirly..i think this is just life…just being in it…wanting to be more, live more, experience more…
The other day I helped out at a tea for beautiful souls…we asked the oldest lady of them all to tell us what is her secret to age gracefully…she looked at me…at the other ladies..smiled and said: “contentment of the mind”…xx
This is a really inspiring post and one that resonated with me on many levels. I Hope you have a wonderful2008
i so get this. thank you.
and in my book, your shine is just fine girl.
fine indeed….
xo
jen
you hit the nail on the head, girl.
i have often thought those same things and wondered how in the world we can get over ourselves long enough to have contentment within.
i strive for the answers and am determined to get there… to a place where i never even consider the fact that my yard isn’t as aesthetically pleasing as my neighbors. a day where every day after is spent relishing in what i already have and embracing life as it is.
thank you
I truly relate to the thoughts you expressed here in this post and I have had such a difficult time expressing it out loud myself. I must agree with ‘rak’ in that you hit the nail on the head! All my love