Back
May 19, 2008
[Nest in a Smoke Tree, found on a hike last week in Joshua Tree National Park]
I am back. Back from a long vacation, back from a myriad of computer and internet issues, back from what seems like an eternity ago when I felt like I was "in the zone" with my work, fully connected to my creative tribe, buzzing along like a hummingbird in a field of honeysuckle.
We returned from our southern California road trip on Friday and proceeded to have a strangely productive weekend, getting errands and tasks marked off the to do lists that have been waiting in the wings since before we left. Our vacation was also a time of movement, with almost daily bicycle rides of 24 miles, 35 miles, 45 miles and more, plus a ten mile hike just for good measure. We drove to Palm Springs, Joshua Tree, Santa Barbara and Santa Ynez and then, as if we had not done enough driving, took off for lunch in Ojai with two of our best friends yesterday. I did not get a whole lot of writing done as I thought I might, but that is way plans often go when it comes to vacations, and I still have a number of weeks in front of me to finish up the remaining book pages that need to be translated from my brain onto paper.
Summer, for me, is now officially in full swing, which means I have a long list of plans, guests and people to coordinate between now and early fall. My anxiety over staying on top of all of this while at the same time finishing my book seemed to grow by the minute over the weekend, and I am having to make a very concerted effort to take today gently. I have the usual back from a vacation things to catch up on and am also managing a new round of house projects. To see all the different pieces of pie laid out in this blog entry makes me realize I need to start on this path with a calm and easy step. House. Guests. Travel. Friends. Family. Book. Normal Life Stuff. Yesterday it felt like a lot; today I’m trying to take one step at a time and avoid overloading my brain with a tangle of details. I have a feeling I’ll be making a lot of lists over the next many weeks.
I had a zany thought last night as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep – what if I just tossed in the towel, cancelled my book, shut down my Etsy shop, stopped blogging and lived a quiet life that wasn’t about trying to make any great impact on the world beyond my own backyard? What is it in me that drives me to be so many things to so many people, to want to create as much light and inspiration in the world as I possibly can? Could I live that life? That life where I let all of this go and turn much more inward?
"Help us to be the always hopeful
Gardeners of the spirit
Who know that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth
As without light
Nothing flowers."
-From Journal of a Solitude, May Sarton
A quote from one of my favorite books posted here by one of my favorite people. You know, Christine, my daughter is very much like you and flows back and forth between her “mission” and her personal needs. It’s not an easy road. Do what you need to do when you need to do it, but you can’t stop your magic from overflowing into the world. Not a chance.
Welcome back, Christine! It is a little late now but back then when you were struggling with the internet etc issues I thought, maybe this is a sign … for you to take a break. And a deep breath. And so you did
I think that quote actually says it perfectly: “gardener of the spirit” – that’s YOU! xo
well, I’m sure you could do all the things you needed to in order to turn more inward… I know I swing back and forth with the inward outward thing, maybe you just need a break from the outward so you can finish up, wrap up, have the summer with friends and family, and then burst back into the outward… only you know what you really need, but me personally, I am hoping you don’t throw in the towel on the book (selfish I know…) OH, and welcome home, sounds like a great trip, full of moving the body… ever so helpful to the overcharged brain…
i am always so moved by your desire to inspire others…and your drive to shift the world towards a better place.
but let me encourage you that if you ever decide to go inward for a bit…the inspiration that others feel from you would never go away. it will live forever in the energy you send out without even trying.
so, you can’t lose, really… ; )
i love you and can’t wait to squeeze you next week. xoxo
I call that period of just being back from vacation “re-entry”. And for me at least, it’s usually fairly rough. This too shall pass. Loved that quote, by the way… Hugs, Shari
You can do everything you set out to do! I think all that you do flows back to you and gives you the energy/creativity to keep going. No matter what you choose you will always affect people. I’m so happy you took some time for yourself and enjoyed your significant other! Welcome back!
If I were you for a day, which would be a blast…my to-do list would look like this, Swirly To-Do List
1. Hang the towel back on the rack
2. Smile at least 6 times today
3. Put the ink on the paper
4. Do something funny
5. Keep on being an insirpation….
Oh yeah, summer brings about a whole new set of To Do lists, don’t they? We have so much happening this month, too. But then, it’s all good. All that hard work = a glass of wine. That’s my philosophy.
As for throwing in the towel…I think it’s good to take a break from blogging, etc., when you are feeling overwhelmed. That can be healthy. BUT by stopping all of those things for good…do you think you’d be bored to death after the first week?