Letting Up
["Ernestine Elam" :: #1 in a series]
There is so much to share, so much I want to say, but right now I am so tired. I have been moving forward with my foot on the gas pedal as far as it can go for many months now and it is time to pull inward for a bit. I am still unpacking from Squam Art Workshops, still have a pile of papers to sort through on my desk. Today I cleaned my kitchen, unpacked boxes, did laundry, sorted through…stuff. Bit by bit, I’ll wind myself down and shift into a lower gear, but it is going to take some time. Saying no, staying quiet, being still…this is what I need to practice right now.
[A beautiful creation from Bella Wish, also featured in this weekend's show]
I will post more photos and write about this past Sunday’s show later this week, but for now, the lovely Gem is the winner of my book give away. Check out her lovely blog Droplets of Devotion…congratulations Gem!!
A Birdcage Will Be There
I was running errands yesterday, gathering bags and stacks of things for my show this Sunday, and since I happened to be passing by my favorite antique spot in Santa Monica, I decided to take a quick peek to see what treasures I might find for the show. I consider this show as more of an installation – inspiration – collaboration – vision than just and ordinary gallery show, which is why I left the antique shop carrying a birdcage and vintage timecard holder. I am not sure what I will end up doing with either of them, but those are my favorite kinds of creative projects – the ones where I bring something home simply because I let my compulsive urges take over, knowing there is something in store for me even if it makes no sense at that exact moment.
It is going to be a great show. I know this even though, once again, I don’t really know what it is going to ultimately look like. I am heading to the gallery this afternoon with piles of new work, a vintage suitcase, old bottles, my birdcage and an assemblage piece with a vintage mirror and old photos…all elements of one great big work of art that fills a room. If you live in the LA area, I hope to see you there!
Ordinary Sparkling Moments :: Stories * Words * Inspiration
Sunday, September 28, 2008 :: 1:00 – 5:00pm
Peach Tree Gallery :: 3795 Boise Avenue, Mar Vista, CA
What’s in store: Readings from my book Ordinary Sparkling Moments every hour starting at 1:30pm, stacks of new work, collaborative ceramic creations by the magnificent Peach Tree owner, Linda Mechanic, and yours truly and – here’s the extra special, sparkly part – a beautiful, glittering display of new work from Bella Wish. I am thrilled beyond belief, that’s all I can say…
In celebration of this fabulous event, I’d love to give away a book!! Leave a comment between now and midnight, Sunday, September 28 and you’ll be entered in a drawing for a free, signed copy of Ordinary Sparkling Moments.
Happy Thursday!
Choosing
I am feeling a bit sluggish at the moment but decided to write this entry now as a calm middle ground between the two big projects I am managing this week. My mornings have started before 6:00am, focused on something I’ll announce here soon, work that requires me to be seated for hours at a time as I put together designs on the computer. My afternoons have been much more of my usual kind of work – getting messy, throwing things on the floor, spilling paint – all in preparation for my show this Sunday, a show that I am thinking of as less of a show and more of an installation. I am not exactly sure what it is going to look like or how I will pull it off, but I have free reign in a lovely little space near Venice and I’m going to take full advantage of it. All the juicy details about this show – and there are lots – will be posted tomorrow.
As I was flying home from Squam Art Workshops just about two weeks ago, I knew I was facing another intense spell of work. I had my show, another big project, book orders to fill, and was also scheduled to attend Art & Soul the first weekend in October. I had never felt 100% about Art & Soul – not because I don’t think it is a wonderful event that I have heard only good things about – but…well, I just didn’t…as many times as I tried to muster full enthusiasm for the whirlwind journey it would be, I always had a hard time seeing myself there.
I solicited the advice of a few women who I trust and respect, and everyone said the same thing: go. So what did I do? I backed out. I was given good advice, very smart business advice, but when I sat still and listened deep down, the message was clear: let it go. There was one element of the weekend I was looking forward to, an element that would have packed a big dose of fun into the experience, but when that melted away my answer became clear. Although it was a disappointment that that particular part of the plan fell apart, I now see it as a blessing. It forced me to think more carefully about whether or not it was the wisest decision, and when I thought about my priorities it was an easy choice.
I am trying not to make choices about my book out of fear, trying not to allow something that looks like a letdown send me into a tailspin. So many experiences, interactions and decisions have felt more intense than usual around the book, and I am trying my best to learn from all of it, to take each instance as an opportunity to choose a higher path, a more positive outlook. I felt afraid that if I did not attend Art & Soul, I’d miss sales or miss some big opportunity, but then I stopped and decided instead to trust that by not going, I’d open up space for something better. This entire journey, I am learning, is about trust, about trusting the journey of the book, trusting it will show me the way to go as long as I listen to my intuition and stay focused on the bigger picture.
These journeys of following a dream can be bumpy; unexpected surprises that we aren’t prepared for always arise. Sometimes these are joyful surprises, sometimes not so much. But in either instance we have the power to choose which way we want to run with it. I am trying to head towards the light, towards the calm, towards the joy.
So far so good.
There It Is
“…I haven’t even caught anything yet, but there is no doubt in my mind something will appear, and I’m actually looking forward to that discovery.” -excerpt from this blog entry, dated July 25, 2008
This sentence was written after two days of press checks, the days my book was actually printed and I was on hand for final color adjustments. Any typos or grammatical errors, at that point, were permanently embedded in the story of the book, any mistakes locked into place for all the world to see when the book was released. During those press checks and after I wondered to myself, “What is the mistake that I missed? Where will it be?”
Well hello there, mistake, I now see you there right on the cover of the book.
But just in case that wasn’t enough for me, you’ve gone and inserted yourself into page four of the book as well. Thanks for the reminder!
It looks innocuous, right. I mean – forward – it’s just forward, I’ve written that word about a zillion times, thought it in my head, imagined what it means.
“I am moving forward with this book.”
“Following this dream is a journey is forward motion.”
“Here is the forward, written by Keri Smith -”
Wait just a second there little lady…not so fast…
I was at the airport earlier this week waiting for my second flight to take me home after Squam Art Workshops, and while flipping through The War of Art – a book that is fast becoming my creative manifesto – I stumbled upon that little nugget shown above.
Then today I popped on over to dictionary.com and found this:
fore·word [fawr-wurd, -werd, fohr-] –noun
a short introductory statement in a published work, as a book, esp. when written by someone other than the author.
So I’ve decided this – I am going to turn this into my little quirky thing, so if when I have any other books published, I’ll always do this. Then when fancy author and editor types say something like, “What a dork, she didn’t even spell foreword properly,” someone else can pipe in and say, “No, no, she does that on purpose. She’s, you know, kooky that way.”
I’ll be known as that odd bird, that one that spells that word wrong just because she can.
There is an excerpt in this book about the fact that I tend to learn how to do most things by doing them wrong the first time, so this is pretty much par for the course in my world. And I have the book cover to prove it.
Guardian of Dreams
It is as if we all did not just make our way to a different part of the country, but to a different existence altogether…as if we were actually underwater, separated from the world, safe, hidden, cozy in our own sparkling Atlantis.
And we were there because of her.…this gorgeous, powerful mermaid, this force of nature who created a vision in her mind and then set forth to make it a reality for anyone who chose to respond to her call for action.
We came together with our own unique dreams, goals, ideas and longings. We came together with fears, trepidations, anxieties and vulnerabilities. We came with our basket of stars, with tiaras made of seashells and starfish, we came in riding seahorses that twinkled in the sunlight. We responded to her call, and when we arrived we emptied out our souls into her open arms. We trusted her. We believed in her. We looked into her eyes and we glowed.
She carried all of these little bits and pieces, all of our tiny seeds that contained mysteries within us we weren’t entirely sure existed – weren’t entirely sure what they would even look like when they blossomed – and she gently, lovingly planted them. She protected them. She nurtured them. She gave them a safe haven within which they could burst forth as brightly as possible.
The word gratitude has been my siren call this week, the word I keep coming back to again and again as I think about last week. When I distill this feeling down to its barest essence, when I peel away the layers that contain all the reasons why I feel grateful, it comes down to this: I am grateful for this woman’s passion, for her willingness to take on this role for so many creative spirits, her decision to plunge forth into all the work it took to create our magical Atlantis. I am in awe, I am proud to know her, I am humbled, I am full, I am peaceful.
My favorite book is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. In this book, a group of individuals makes the decision to walk entirely away from a society they believe is soul-crushing. They create their own hidden society, one that is centered around everyone being able to pursue their passions, ideas and visions to the fullest extent. They call this place Atlantis, and it is where they all thrived.
We don’t need to abandon our lives permanently in order to continue to blossom and grow, but how wonderful for us that this beautiful creature named Elizabeth created her own special Atlantis, a sacred space she opened up to the world. She invited us in, and we gathered. And in that gathering we were given a glimpse of something we could all use a little bit – or maybe a lot – more of: our own beauty, our own power, our own light.
Thank you, thank you, to our Guardian of Dreams, our Mermaid Queen, our Beacon.
Preparations
If you took a peek into my week, what you would see more than anything is a blur. Shipping, packing, organizing, posting, designing, writing lists, going here, going there and thinking, thinking, thinking, trying my best not to forget any tiny detail.
In the midst of all this, I have to share that part of my packaging for my softcover books is a small piece of glitter tape. I am almost out and have had a very difficult time trying to find more. Today, in JoAnne Fabrics of all places, I found the mother lode of 8.5 x 11 sheets of self-adhesive glitter galore and I wiped them out. As I was driving home, thrilled with my treasures, I couldn’t help but crack up that I am a responsible 40 year old woman who is ecstatic to have found glitter tape. This is all it takes, people – glitter tape!
All week I have been hoping against hope to have just a little bit of time today to play with my collage journal, to sit in my studio and slap down some colorful paper, to do some writing, to avoid working, planning and preparing up to the final minute. And I think I’m there. I have done all I can do aside from a bit of laundry, and it is now time to shift my energy into play mode.
So I shall sign off until I return from a sparkling gathering, and end this entry with a quote I read over at Beautiful Boho’s blog…it resonated with me so deeply, summed up so much of what I feel and think and muse over. Have a happy week.
“I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, millions of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by its power, its unceasing motion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and mountains, deserts and hidden rivers, and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with one we love is perhaps as great a joy as we can know – unless it be to share our laughter.
We searchers are ambitious only for life itself, for everything beautiful it can provide. Most of all we love and want to be loved. We want to live in a relationship that will not impede our wandering, nor prevent our search, nor lock us in prison walls; that will take us for what little we have to give. We do not want to prove ourselves to another or compete for love.
For wanderers, dreamers, and lovers, for lonely men and women who dare to ask of life everything good and beautiful. It is for those who are too gentle to live among wolves.”
~James Kavanaugh
Attachments
“Spiritual practice is the process of coming to see our misknowledge and letting it go, to begin to experience, accept, and live the truth about how we and the world actually are. When we begin to understand and to live this way, there is a great decrease in fear and dread, so common in human experience, caused by the huge gap between our expectations and the way things actually are. With an appreciation of the empty nature of things, there are no more foiled expectations. There is a lot more joy, peace, and love.” -Norman Fischer
