Choosing
September 23, 2008
I am feeling a bit sluggish at the moment but decided to write this entry now as a calm middle ground between the two big projects I am managing this week. My mornings have started before 6:00am, focused on something I’ll announce here soon, work that requires me to be seated for hours at a time as I put together designs on the computer. My afternoons have been much more of my usual kind of work – getting messy, throwing things on the floor, spilling paint – all in preparation for my show this Sunday, a show that I am thinking of as less of a show and more of an installation. I am not exactly sure what it is going to look like or how I will pull it off, but I have free reign in a lovely little space near Venice and I’m going to take full advantage of it. All the juicy details about this show – and there are lots – will be posted tomorrow.
As I was flying home from Squam Art Workshops just about two weeks ago, I knew I was facing another intense spell of work. I had my show, another big project, book orders to fill, and was also scheduled to attend Art & Soul the first weekend in October. I had never felt 100% about Art & Soul – not because I don’t think it is a wonderful event that I have heard only good things about – but…well, I just didn’t…as many times as I tried to muster full enthusiasm for the whirlwind journey it would be, I always had a hard time seeing myself there.
I solicited the advice of a few women who I trust and respect, and everyone said the same thing: go. So what did I do? I backed out. I was given good advice, very smart business advice, but when I sat still and listened deep down, the message was clear: let it go. There was one element of the weekend I was looking forward to, an element that would have packed a big dose of fun into the experience, but when that melted away my answer became clear. Although it was a disappointment that that particular part of the plan fell apart, I now see it as a blessing. It forced me to think more carefully about whether or not it was the wisest decision, and when I thought about my priorities it was an easy choice.
I am trying not to make choices about my book out of fear, trying not to allow something that looks like a letdown send me into a tailspin. So many experiences, interactions and decisions have felt more intense than usual around the book, and I am trying my best to learn from all of it, to take each instance as an opportunity to choose a higher path, a more positive outlook. I felt afraid that if I did not attend Art & Soul, I’d miss sales or miss some big opportunity, but then I stopped and decided instead to trust that by not going, I’d open up space for something better. This entire journey, I am learning, is about trust, about trusting the journey of the book, trusting it will show me the way to go as long as I listen to my intuition and stay focused on the bigger picture.
These journeys of following a dream can be bumpy; unexpected surprises that we aren’t prepared for always arise. Sometimes these are joyful surprises, sometimes not so much. But in either instance we have the power to choose which way we want to run with it. I am trying to head towards the light, towards the calm, towards the joy.
So far so good.
Good for you! Trust your gut.
I agree…I think that there is always something else waiting in the wings if an opportunity falls through. I used to have a difficult time with this but now I really see it as a gift. Of course, I still have little doubts creep in from time to time, but I do manage to quash them. I think we really have to trust ourselves—go with our true instinct, and it will lead the way!
yeah, trusting the voice inside… and then there is always, “but I might miss something great”… and that there is something that I know oh so very well. And about asking advice and ending up doing the exact opposite… rebellious? no, more like, listening well to yourself…
to paraphrase the song, “the gut don’t lie.” Good for you. and isn’t hindsight fun? you feel indecisive, then make a scary-maybe-wrong-maybe-right decision. when you look back, it’s all “duh!” you can see the interweavings that occured as a result. can’t wait! you just have the coolest opportunities! Linda
The important thing is to always trust your instincts..to trust that inner voice. What seems like a “closing” of a door can so often be the opening you were meant to take. Thanks for the reminder that we can change direction and we must when the feeling becomes so strong that we would be foolish not to.
I just wanted to thank you for being there for me last night…
right before bed, I got a comment on my current blog post and surprisingly it was from my sister, who according to her, in her own words in front of me not long ago, “blogs are for people who don’t have a life”….me, cringe !!!!…but I let it go…or so I thought.
anyhow, she had written a very negative comment regarding the photos I had taken and posted of the child in the park….
and now it was almost midnight and I was soooo frustrated…so what did I do ???
I pulled out your book that I’ve been savoring since squam, only allowing myself to read a page a day….and I read and read and read….and finished the WHOLE THING !!!
and thanks to you, by the time my eyes finally closed, your book had pulled me out of the hole someone had dug and pushed me into…and for that, I will be forever grateful !!!
thank you for providing me with inspiration above and beyond any I’ve ever had, especially at a time when I was feeling so raw and fragile…..
I’m sure something else amazing will happen around that time! Like someone will come to visit you in LA, perhaps
While I will miss seeing you, I completely support and am inspired by your choice to listen to your own inner wisdom… Hugs, Shari
you = smart cookie !!!!
your intuition always guides you in the most amazing direction meant for you. i will always trust that.
love you, beauty.
I love your paintings up there…I can’t wait to get a hold of that book! Congrats!