The Vivian Girls and a Quiet Time in NYC
November 7, 2008
I had a peculiar experience in NYC that has left me feeling slightly out of sorts. Nothing bad happened, New York City was its usual lively self, all the more so this week with election energy tingling all over and preparations being made for the holidays. Snowflake lights were hung but not turned on, Christmas trees were being planted in Rockefeller Center, and window displays were in transition as sirens wailed and horns honked like any other day in the big apple.
In the midst of all this excitement and movement, I was in a very quiet mood all week. I wanted to be still, to bury my head in a book, to drink coffee all afternoon and watch the world go by. I managed to have a pretty full day on Tuesday, but by Wednesday I practically had to force myself to leave our hotel room. I had two full days in the city and this is what I did: visited the American Folk Art Museum, wandered all over Central Park, had a light lunch on Columbus Avenue on the upper west side, visited the Guggenheim and indulged in a new pair of boots. That was on Tuesday, and on Wednesday all I managed to do was visit the NYC Public Library where I wrote in my journal and visited three small but lovely exhibits there – including one about this extraordinary artists' retreat – before I went back to our hotel room and read all afternoon. Read! In our hotel room! In New York City! You've got to be kidding me!
As I was sitting in the cavernous main reading room of the library, at a long table with brass lamps which was one among dozens of long tables, writing in my journal, I filled many pages before I wrote this:
"All I want to do right now is go back to our hotel room and read. What if I gave myself permission to do that?"
And off I went. No hesitation, no agonizing over whether or not I should hit another museum on the way back, just very simply gathering my things and going back to a quiet room 22 floors above 57th Avenue. After so much running around and moving and going, I finally found my way to some delicious quiet time in one of the most on the go cities there is.
I'll now go back to Tuesday, definitely the more "full" of my two days there, and share my discovery of Henry Darger at the American Folk Art Museum. I have felt mysteriously drawn to folk art lately, and am now eager to learn more about its fascinating cousin, Outsider Art. Henry Darger's story is simple and intriguing – a janitor who lived in a rented apartment for more than 40 years in Chicago, he left behind hundreds of paintings, collages and illustrations, along with a 15,000+ page single-spaced typed manuscript entitled The Story of the Vivian Girls, in What is known as the Realms of the Unreal, of the Glandeco-Angelinnian War Storm, Caused by the Child Slave Rebellion. The Musuem only showed a small fraction of his work, but I was immediately pulled in and now want to learn as much as I can about him. I can't help but observe that this newfound fascination with a man who was reclusive, unknown and basically ignored by society began during a week when I felt the urge to hide from the world in a city jam-packed with interesting, inspiring, creative things to do. Maybe this is just a crazy coincidence, or maybe the fact that I was in such a deep observer mode all week enabled me to make this connection.
Thinking about his life – about all the ways he created a vast, complicated world in his imagination as he lived an intensely private and solitary life – I go back to a question I have been asking myself for the past couple of weeks: exactly what is it I am chasing? And why do I all of a sudden feel like this word – chasing – is the appropriate word for so much of what I've been doing this year? Chasing after a dream, after book sales, after recognition, after an audience. Most of the time it feels like the most magnificent journey I could ever experience, but lately an uneasy feeling of grasping at something too fiercely has been creeping into my awareness. What can I learn from Henry Darger? What would he think of all the ways his work is making its way into the world, a journey that did not begin until after he died?
I think it is impossible to know all the ways the work we do and the lives we live impact the world. Maybe the kindness you show to a stranger today will give them the glimmer of light they need to maintain their faith in humanity. Maybe a blog post you write that exposes your wildest dream or your deepest fear or your tiniest disappointments will touch someone on another part of the planet and make them feel less alone. Maybe the story you are writing in your sketchbooks and journals will someday be discovered, 100 years from now, by a total stranger, and this stranger will be inspired by your words and your creations and will start writing stories of their own, stories that might inspire the world. How are we to know how far our influence might reach and who are we to think we are the sole determinants of how our lives contribute to humanity? Sometimes the things we do and the choices we make begin a ripple effect we have no control of, and those ripples are capable of extending far beyond our personal experience, our social circle, our time on this earth. We have no way of knowing all the details of our imprint on the world.
Knowing this, I am reminded how important it is to continue to breathe deeply and let the quiet spaces expand as I march forward with Ordinary Sparkling Moments. I don't know all the places this creation is going to go; I can't control the path it will take. It is not possible for me to force it one way or another. Just as I stepped away from all the opportunities I had in front of me in New York to go, go, go, every once in a while I must sit still and let my work find its own way into the hands of kindred spirits, friends and total strangers. Chasing is not the answer. Letting my dream have a life of its own even as I take time now and then to do nothing to help it along…well, there, I think I may be on to something…
Christine,
I love this entry. So much of what you are saying rings so true to me. Wow.
I have so much to talk to you about. Really hoping to talk when I am back from Vermont.
x Nina
bonjour,
a week ago, i decided to spend the rainy week-end at home with good books – so friday night, after leaving work, i went to the library on the way home to find beautiful, inspiring books – 1 hour later, i could not find a single book that i wish to read … so i went home a bit sad and frustrated, dreaming i was in London where i could find wonderful books to read (i am a french woman, bilingual french/english living in france) …
anyway, i decided to check amazon and find blogs to inspire me … i cannot recall perfectly how my research started, probably something like blogs or books on women, art, spirituality, poésie, photography, etc.
i believe your soul always responds to your intention when it is good for you and the universe and by ways of intuition, leads you quietly towards your wish … so a gift revealed itself in the form of the website of kelly rae roberts and then yours …
a few days before obama’s victory, across the atlantic ocean, your art, your words, your inspiration, your circle of friend artists have touched me deeply and accompany me daily – it is very positive and inspiring and your billet (french word for blog comments – as in billet doux) give me the opportunity to thank you …
a “total stranger” across the ocean …
Isn’t Outsider Art interesting!?
You MUST visit The American Visionary Arts Museum!!!! (They have a website, and I’d link to it for you but something might be wrong with it – it’s locking up my browser) Anyway, it’s in Baltimore, MD and it’s all “outsider art” or “visionary art”. FASCINATING.
beautiful post…resonating deeply…
xoxo,
gem
Hi Christine,
Reading this makes me realize how often I do this, give myself permission to just be instead of chase after a must see attraction or go to event. I have actually had many afternoons in hotel rooms spent just like that, reading, watching TV, answering emails, blogging. Occasionally there is a ping of guilt but usually not for long. I love it actually because at home there is always something that needs doing but outside my familiar surrounding I really am FREE, to do as I wish. And in recent years that doesn’t always mean a visit to a museum or gallery, but rather leisurely hours at a cafe or in the hotel room.
I love your observations about the imprint we leave; ultimately it always comes back to how we touch each other, physically, emotionally, mentally and how this can still happen even if we lived a reclusive life. What a fascinating story about Henry Darger. It reminds me of Anne Frank and Eva Cassidy.
There is no doubt that you have already touched and inspired so many lives!
Kerstin xo
Christine,
When are you coming to Boston? My favorite photographer that you are requests you presence again!! I would love to host you and may be arrange a book signing??? I have missed you since Squam. I felt a real affinity in our Superhero class. Let me know what I can do…
Trish
patriciadolan@comcast.net
Christine:
It’s not unusual for us, as women, to respond to that urge to keep on going. At this point, it’s almost imbred, don’t you think? But your day was lovely, and enviable that you gave yourself permission to relax in the best possible way, reading a book. Sounds like it was a perfect weekend. And since Ousider Art is my life, the museum visit was a perfect choice. You will adore the AVAM when you visit! It is life changing!
Sometimes we need periods of quiet – time out – just to process everything unfolding around us. I lived in NYC for eight years and one needs quiet moments away from all that energy and excitement. I will be in NYC early in Dec. and am hoping to find time to visit that museum. Nice to see the journal accompanying you. Did the package with the others arrive? Sounds as though you’re enjoying your travels and all the excitement generated by your book. Am so glad everything is going well for you and the book! xo
just.perfectly.wonderful. “the chase” can get frustrating & tiring…when my DivaDog gets loose, I’ve found that chasing her makes her little legs run faster. when i stop and just watch her, she turns around and comes back, letting me be in control. i’ve learned so much from my dogs! and on another topic…the buzzword this year has been “authentic,” and it is so clear that you are, indeed, the Real Deal! thank you for sharing your journey so eloquently and honestly. Linda
just.perfectly.wonderful. “the chase” can get frustrating & tiring…when my DivaDog gets loose, I’ve found that chasing her makes her little legs run faster. when i stop and just watch her, she turns around and comes back, letting me be in control. i’ve learned so much from my dogs! and on another topic…the buzzword this year has been “authentic,” and it is so clear that you are, indeed, the Real Deal! thank you for sharing your journey so eloquently and honestly. Linda
I love you even more for doing that. Good girl….
Thanks for sharing about Henry Darger , He made me think a lot!
I know what you mean. I went to Italy to work and felt guilty for not making the most of every moment I had to explore but … I was there to work in the peace of being alone.
Permission to read in a hotel in a fabulous city is a beautiful gift to your self, congratulations.
Natalie Merchant sings a song about Henry Darger on her Motherland cd and you just brought to light who he is.
Oh, the AFM is one of my favorite places. I love the building’s energy. Both times I was there, I felt like it was whispering, “Let me tell you a story…” *sigh* wonderful. I’ve always loved folk art…the colors, patterns, diversity. It feels so authentic to me.
Re: Darger, I tripped upon him one night when I was flipping through the channels. PBS was showing a documentary on him. (http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2005/intherealms/index.html)
It was surreal watching it, I was sucked in completely. Seeing his work in person just made his story so much larger somehow. I’m glad someone else sees the magic he had as well.
Wonderful post. And as cliche as it sounds, “smelling the roses” is one of the benefits to working so hard! Take time to just be.
good for you. sounds like some quiet time (especially after taking in so much!) was just what you needed.
What a great post! I too travel with my husband and most times find myself just wanting to hang out at the hotel with books I have intended to read, order lunch in and just chill out by myself. Yes I always have the laptop + a bag of things to work on + the list of places I made on the last visit to check out. I always come home from these trips filled with energy to start a new project or work on a current one. I think it is good for us to be able to just enjoy the moments as they come even if it is in a hotel room or a library!
i’m sure you saw the documentary of him/his work??
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390123/
sooo fascinating
Oy my Sweet Swirls! First, I am also so interested in how odd artists (like us) lived their lives… sometimes completely unknown, yet committed to unfolding and expressing… I love that! I get so into it too! I want to be in every single corner of their studios, books, pages, canvases. I want to know what they saw every time they looked out of their window! Also, I’ve been pretty introspective and trying to slow down on the chase myself. I so get you! Oh I so get you, love. xxox
oh my goodness, i have been finally catching up on blogs (bad blog reader am i) and now i totally get the vivian girls. it all makes perfect, beautiful sense now.
*sigh*
xo
Hi Christine
I’m here reading as a result of Tara’s post on your “Ordinary Sparkling Moment’s”. I found “the Vivian Girls” in your selected post listings…Tara took me to the AMerican Folk Art Museum in December. We really enjoyed the Henry Darger exhibit. We drank it in actually, so much detail involved, so many deep and resonating scenes. Almost frightening. Yet, still beautiful.
This is my first visit to your blog but I promise to bookmark you and read more. I really enjoyed this post. I like how you give yourself permission to do the things you want to do at your core; be it rest or read. These things DO make up a quality life…listening to the inner voice and not talking over it.
Thanks,
xo
Gillian
great post, thanks for sharing