Main Entry:    gratitude
Part of Speech:    noun
Definition:    appreciation
Synonyms:     acknowledgment, appreciativeness, grace, gratefulness, honor, indebtedness, obligation, praise, recognition, requital, response, responsiveness, sense of obligation, thankfulness, thanks, thanksgiving
Antonyms:     ingratitude, thanklessness

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An essay on gratitude, just in time for Thanksgiving!

Please, I beg of you, refrain from overloading my email in box with notes of thanks for shedding light on a topic that just isn’t spoken about enough on the third Thursday of every November.  I know, I know, I am rocking your world.

I simply could not resist.  It is terribly cliche, but I happen to be a huge fan of cliches.  They are time worn, ragged and frayed at the edges because they speak to all of us, because they are real, because they are true.

When I looked up the word gratitude in the thesaurus, I loved seeing the word grace in the long list of synonyms.  I think of the word grace and I picture a perfectly poised ballerina on toe shoes, the sequins on her pink satin costume twinkling beneath a spotlight, tutu fluffed just right, glitter in her hair, arms as delicate as a feather floating in the wind.  Grace is maintaining this poise – this quiet strength – no matter what is going on in the periphery.  Holding one’s head high even in anger; remaining composed despite feeling vulnerable.  Feeling grateful when you’d rather hurl rocks against a wall in order to release the negative energy wreaking havoc on your spirit.

I believe any measure of grace is a wonderful gift we can give to ourselves, those we love and the world in general.  We can’t go wrong with grace, we do no harm when we express gratitude.  But what of those moments that feel like there is little or no room for gratitude?  What of those dank mounds of dirt that exist in the darkness, beneath the house, behind the shed, where creepy crawly creatures thrive and earthworms build communities?  Is it possible to find grace in those spaces?  When we accidentally step on one of these mounds, feel our foot sink deeply into the muck, only to pull it out and see that our favorite shoes are now dripping with gooey soil and spiders?  We have to go back inside, clean off our shoes, now we’re late, we’re frustrated, we’re going to upset the person waiting for us and might even have to change our entire outfit.  How can we find grace in those moments?

I always try to find that thing - that hidden treasure that gives me some semblance of grace, some reason not to completely wallow in whatever calamity I feel has befallen me.  This sounds very romantic and open-hearted, but I must admit it does not come easily in certain situations.  It does not always give me great comfort; sometimes it offers no relief at all.  In fact, I sometimes resent the fact that I have to try so hard to see something good in a situation.  Gratitude should come easy, right?  There’s always a silver lining and you’ve got to have rain to make a rainbow, right?

It is not always easy, but it is the only way.  It is the only way. We might have to look beyond whatever situation we’re stewing about or struggling with, but there is always, always somewhere we can turn to find our grace, to be thankful.  Sometimes focusing on gratitude feels like the angels are parting our darkest clouds to allow gold beams of light to wash down upon us and sometimes it feels like a desperate clinging, as if it were the last tiny branch growing out of a cliff that we don’t dare let go of.  I have experienced both, and as much as I would like to believe I will someday be able to completely embody grace no matter what I am faced with, I realize I will very likely always struggle with this.

I am a fierce advocate for gratitude, I give thanks every single day for all the large and small details that make my life what it is.  But still, I struggle.  Still, I sometimes have a very hard time finding my inner ballerina.  I feel the blisters, swelter under the spotlight, can’t always take a deep breath in that costume.  Some days the angels sing, some days I am hanging on to a thorny branch with dirt and pebbles dropping thousands of feet below me as I struggle not to let go.  That is just the way it is.

The holidays are topsy-turvy times for people.  Emotions run high and complicated histories play themselves out in all too familiar ways when we are surrounded by family members.  Childhood dreams of what we want the holidays to be feed our expectations, which only make us that much more susceptible to big disappointments.  For many of us, our deepest wounds are exposed and we can’t help but long for December 26th when it will all be over.

But then the turkey is brought out, and we experience that deep belly laughter from a long-forgotten memory that bubbled back up to the surface as we look at old photos.  The sparkle from a candle catches our eye, and the smell of rosemary fills us with warmth.  We think of our friends, we wear our favorite blue turtleneck sweater, we take a moment to be still, we say a prayer as we hold hands.  Life is filled with plenty of reasons to be sad, to give up, and to embrace the dark clouds.  But grace is always there for us, ready for the taking.  Sometimes those dark mounds of dirt that look useless and bare have secret fortunes just beneath the surface, and only when there is fire or flood can new growth occur.  Grace exists everywhere, in every moment, within every grain of sand.  Grace is never far away.