Eve of The Eve
At the moment I am feeling worn out, let me just say that right off the bat. But I am also smiling because I was given the most divine of treasures over the weekend, which was a huge block of time spent on the couch, continuing to devour Journal of a Solitude, taking notes, scribbling thoughts, and pondering the new year. Aside from this respite, small but strangely gratifying tasks have been taking place since Christmas – cleaning out the refrigerator, packing up the decorations, sending off thank you notes, clearing old photos from of my hard drive…organizing, stowing away, dusting and sweeping, all done in service to my desire for a clean slate come January 1, 2009. It is the same dream most of us are now dreaming – that magical uncertainty that a new year always offers us, inspiring us to clear away the cobwebs in order to let as much light stream in as possible.
I believe I will never walk a day on this earth without feeling like I need to continue simplifying my life, and this is what I am thinking about as the new year approaches. This little blog of mine is one tiny corner of my life, but I’ve decided to make some simplifications here. I have a strong sensitivity to things feeling crowded and cluttered in my environment and my blog was beginning to feel a tad overstuffed. So I cleared out almost everything and I’ll see if anything begs to be brought back into the fray.
I hope everyone is able to take a moment on the grandest of all eves and envision what you want for your life in 2009. It all starts with one idea and the commitment to making it real….one thought, one wild imagining, and the world is suddenly lifted.
May Sarton
Today: the rain outside is so steady and fine it could almost be mistaken for snow flurries. If I focus my eyes on a spot anywhere beyond my own backyard, it looks like a faint veil of mist, something that could be mistaken for the remnants of a heavy morning fog. The colors I see when I look outside my kitchen door are deep green, terra cotta, espresso brown and silvery gray, but on my kitchen table I have a colorful glass vase of roses that are pink at the base of the petals and crimson red at their edges. The only sounds I hear are the hum of the refrigerator, my fingers on the keyboard and, if I listen closely, the delicate pitter pat of raindrops. Everything feels soft.
I am reading May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude for the second time, and just as I did the first time I read it – as evidenced by all the underlining and margin notes – I am finding a wealth of insights that I relate to and want to explore further. I am now in the midst of a second round of underlines and asteriks, and have decided to use Journal of a Solitude for a writing exercise in which I take various excerpts and passages and respond to them as letters to May Sarton herself. Reading the book this time around has become a very active process, where I am underlining new passages and making notations alongside passages I want to write about. I find myself nodding yes as I mark the pages with blank ink, anticipating the day I devote a block of time to diving deeper into a sentence here and an idea there.
So to Ms. Sarton, I say thank you, and I hope that in some realm of consciousness or existence you hear my letters and understand the impact your work has had on my own process of learning “…how to recognize the essential”. I have spent the past many weeks feeling ever so slightly inept in my quest to know what is essential, to determine which of my endeavors, relationships and ideals are not only essential but rooted in the truth. As is usually the case, my spirits were darkened and the uncertainty I felt about so many things made me want to curl up inside my own little shell, but now that I am through the worst of it I see clearly how necessary the process was. Although I knew this in my mind the entire time, it can sometimes be a tall order to ask your heart to simply follow along and enjoy the ride, bumpy as it can be.
I look forward to writing many letters in the coming year, all of which will be inspired by Journal of a Solitude. While it is not possible for the two of us to have any kind of earthly exchange, perhaps you might be able to let me know you hear me in other ways – in a quiet dream, in the bloom of the flowers I bring home from the Farmer’s Market, in the steady, delicate rain that tells me to stay inside, to write, to dream.
A Few Good Things on a Friday
Kelly Watson interviewed me last week for a podcast interview on her fabulous Women Wise Marketing website and it is now up! I wasn’t quite sure I had done my best, but Kelly’s editing skills brought it all together beautifully. Thank you Kelly!
This makes me smile, and I can’t stop watching it. I hereby predict that within 48 hours my husband will demand I stop imitating this little girl.
Circumstance-driven life versus Values-driven life – can I tell you how much I love this concept? Head to Cindy Jones Lautier’s blog to read her ideas on this.
Jacqueline won the final Holiday Extrvaganza Give Away! Congratulations and thanks to everyone who participated in all of my Give Aways & Specials.
Happy Friday!
The Beckoning of Lovely
I received an email last week with the subject heading “The Beckoning of Lovely”,
but since all of my attention was focused on getting my house in order
between house guests, it was not until today that I was able to
actually read it. Amy Krouse Rosenthal wrote one of my favorite books, Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life,
and she is now in the midst of another extraordinary project. I could
go on and on right now about how much this moved me, inspired me and
touched me, but I would much prefer you spend your time watching the
video and learning how you can become involved in this.
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Christina won the Jonatha Brooke Give Away – Congratulations!!
Today: Leave a comment today to be entered in a drawing for a Hardcover, Limited Edition of Ordinary Sparkling Moments, and that will wrap up the Holiday Extravaganza!
What It Means
[3" x 3" original mini-collage available here]
This is one of my favorite mantras….mabye even THE mantra, if I were to have to officially claim a mantra as MINE. It hasn’t come in handy as I’ve trekked the Himalayas or wrestled tigers in India (I mean really, I can do those things in my sleep), but in those strange spaces that make me feel small, vulnerable and mistrusting of others. In those times when I want to give up, shut everyone out, embrace my worst demons and let them simply take over, I think of these two words: Be Brave. Keep Going. Move Forward. Trust.
It can be extremely disconcerting to go through those deeply dark times where nothing makes sense and we can’t even recognize ourselves. I have had plenty of practice at surrending to periods of time where I feel less than super sparkly, but every once in a while I get thrown off more than I feel ready for, or maybe it happens at a time when I think everything should be drenched in sunflowers and sunshine. In those times, I turn to Be Brave and move into a deep space of trust, trust that the uncertainty, the fog and the heaviness will not only lift, but melt away to reveal a new way of being. Shedding skin is never easy, and I sometimes have to stay very intensely focused on the fact that greater discomfort very often means there are greater gifts on the other side.
There are so many ways to be brave, so many moments when the choice to be brave can make all the difference in the world to your friendships, your marriage, your work and your sense of self and wholeness. Life is difficult, relationships are hard…in being brave, we might not be able to overcome every craggy mountain, but we will at least get farther along than if we always chose to play it safe.
That is what I am thinking about today, on a cozy rainy day in Southern California.
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Lisa won Marisa Haedike’s beautiful 2009 Calendar – Congratulations!!
Today: Leave a comment today to be entered in a drawing for a copy of Jonatha Brooke’s latest CD, The Works!
Tomorrow: Today is last day of the Holiday Extravaganza – NOT! I lied…I just decided
to do one more day, so check back tomorrow for an extra special Give
Away.
Project Christmas
A quick post today as it is Project Christmas, where I have been spending my morning & afternoon wrapping and packaging all kinds of colorful treats to be shipped all over the country. So without further adieu, today’s Holiday Extravaganza announcements are…
Yesterday: Kelly won the Susannah Conway Give Away – Congratulations Girlie!!
Today: Leave a comment today through the weekend to be entered in a drawing for one of Marisa’s beautiful 2009 calendars, pictured above.
Tomorrow: The last Give Away!
My Plants Are So Happy
[Photo taken by the insanely talented Susannah Conway, who lives way too far away as far as I'm concerned.]
I was woken up in the middle of the night to the sound of rain, and I don’t mean a gentle pitter pat on my rooftop. This was a dumping, windy, steady pounding – a rarity in southern California, and something I wish we had more often. Of all the 30+ homes I’ve lived in, my favorite was my tiny cottage in Santa Barbara, where I slept in a loft I could not stand up in. I climbed up the ladder and crawled into bed with the ceiling just high enough that I could sit up. During the fall, it always gave me a giggle to hear acorns falling on the roof and then rolling down to the ground. On the rare occasion that it rained, it was heaven.
It is peculiar to see how my preferences for weather have changed over the past couple of years. I am sure anyone living in cold climates right now will read this and think I am nuts for not love, love, loving the fact that it is sunny and 72 around here most days, but lately something about it hasn’t felt entirely right. The day I bought our Christmas tree it was downright hot, and I was decorating the house in flip flops and a t-shirt. While I don’t think I could survive a winter in Ottawa with my sanity intact, I do long for an environment where the seasons feel and look like what they are supposed to look like, at least a little bit.
[I write this and laugh, thinking that if you yanked me up and immediately plunked me down in North Dakota I might want to take back every word I've written here.]
Because I live a life that leans heavily toward movement, variety, activity and spontaneity, I long to be rooted in these other cycles and routines. I find tremendous comfort in them, in their patterns, their reliability, their everyday-ness. For some reason this year I have been especially annoyed at what looks inappropriate – this blazing hot weather in December that paved the way for some brutal fires up north. Today’s rain and gray skies are a welcome experience, and I hope it doesn’t end too soon.
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Beth won the Ordinary Sparkling Moments Give Away – Congratulations!!
Today: Leave a comment today to be entered in a drawing for two goodies from Susannah Conway – a 5×7 print of La Vie en Rose, pictured above, and a postcard set!
Tomorrow: Another Creative Thursday Give Away!
Today
On my mind today:
* Sometimes the dark periods are necessary to uncover the path to my most meaningful work. As many examples as I have of painful experiences leading to brilliant light, I still forget this. All the time.
* In those moments when I feel broken, raw and small, the best thing I can do is to pick up the phone and call a friend. Even if all I manage to do once I hear a voice on the other end of the line is sob, there is a meaningful exchange that takes place for both of us. We are both lifted in profound ways, and it is these moments upon which the strongest foundations of a friendship are built.
* All of my greatest challenges give me opportunities to practice being the kind of person I want to be. It takes practice to become a musician, an athlete and an artist; it also takes practice to be our very best selves. Practice is the operative word – quiet repetition, focus and discipline – whose only reward is the knowledge that I have done my very best. When I release my last breath, this is all I will take with me.
* After all these years as an artist and seeker, I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing half the time, still feel like I am making it up as I go along, but maybe that’s all I need to know. Life will always be a process of making things up as I go along. All I am doing, really, is writing a story.
We are all writing our own stories, and all of these narratives create the story of the world. If the earth was shattered into a million pieces tomorrow, your story would be part of that explosion, would become part of the matter that was flung across the galaxy with the stars, into the heavens. Our stories, in the end, light up the universe.
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Jennifer won the Creative Thursday Give Away – Congratulations!!
Today: Leave a comment today through the weekend to be entered in a drawing for a copy of Ordinary Sparkling Moments.
Next Week: Three more Give Aways from three fabulous artists…stay tuned!
Flurry
[Photo taken at Mari Robeson's beautiful boutique this past Sunday. I'll be writing more about that afternoon soon!]
OK, I’ve tried to write something that is at least mildly interesting, but I must admit my mind is a flurry of thoughts today that I can’t seem to rein in. I am having one of those days where I’m tackling the piles in my studio, clearing out clutter and getting ready to run a bunch of errands in preparation for more house guests. I love these days, for while it makes me sound like the Tasmanian Devil when I write about it – a whirlwind of movement shaking up dust everywhere I go – today it is more about creating space for stillness. The simplest of acts – removing a bright swatch of fabric from my big comfy chair so it is now clear and white again – immediately transformed this space and made me feel like I have more room to dive into my journal and spend an afternoon reading my favorite inspirational books. One other task that made me incredibly happy – returning the second of two “upgrade” cell phones that have been sent to me by Verizon. Neither worked so I’m sticking with my old one. That’s right, I am refusing to upgrade my phone because the one I have just happens to work fine, thank you very much.
Isn’t it so exciting to read about this stuff?
I am eager to get back to writing more substantive entries here, but I’ll be realistic and say they probably won’t get much more interesting until early next week when things have settled down around here. In the meantime, I hope you’re enjoying all the holiday specials & give aways, and today I will leave you with a quote from one of my favorite books, Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton:
“It is only when we can believe that we are creating the soul that life has any meaning, but when we can believe it – and I do and always have – then there is nothing we do that is without meaning and nothing that we suffer that does not hold the seed of creation in it.”
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Stacy Kathryn won the Mini Collage Give away – Congratulations!!
Today: The beautiful, creative, astounding Marisa Haedike from Creative Thursday is offering a set of notecards for today’s give away – leave a comment to be entered!!
Tomorrow: Another give away!!
Next
[Six new 3x3 mini-collages mounted on canvas panels. These designs and more are available at my Etsy shop now!
"...you have so many branches,
and there are diversions -
birds that come and go..."
-From Dreams, by Mary Oliver [posted yesterday]
This is how I have been feeling lately, for many weeks in fact, and I cannot help but be reminded of the fall of 1995. This was when I started Swirly – October 1995 to be precise – a time when I began a journey that had great big plans but no clear idea of how I would make them real. I made it up as I went along, kept at it despite making a million tiny mistakes and bit by bit found my way towards the promised land of Goals Accomplished. In Swirly’s first days as a brand new business, I was giddy with excitement and thrilled with all the first orders, but as the holidays approached it slowly dawned on me that, hey, I needed to come up with a plan for what I would do after the holidays. So many possibilities, so many ideas…where to go once the new year arrived?
I have come full circle, as I am now faced with similar questions for Ordinary Sparkling Moments. So many possibilities, so many ideas – as an artist, a writer, a traveler, as someone who wants to make a positive difference in the world – where to go once the new year arrives?
“…so many branches,
and there are diversions -
birds that come and go…”
I have been exploring a lot of these branches, diversions and birds in my mind, trying my best to let my thoughts flow and wander, drift and twirl. In wanting to give them as much room as possible to meander wherever they want to go, I have not done a whole lot of goal-oriented journaling or writing. A few lists here and there, maybe a question or two I don’t want to forget, but beyond that I have wanted my ideas to marinate slowly over a low, steady flame. As I’ve sat on airplanes and taken road trips, this is what I have done. Now that my traveling for the year is almost over, with just one quick trip up north coming up right before the new year, it feels like the right time to get a bit more deliberate, to answer those questions I’ve written down with careful thought and attention, to look ahead to 2009 and decide what my priorities are. This is where I was thirteen years ago with Swirly, and it is strange, familiar, comforting and thrilling to be back in the same seat on this ship of dreams, staring out the window, watching the world go by, looking for clues as to where I am supposed to go next. Book in hand, wild imaginings intact, I sail on.
*****
Holiday Extravaganza Announcements:
Yesterday: Thank you for your orders!
Today: I will be posting a new collection of mini-collages later today in my Etsy shop. 3″ x 3″ creations mounted on canvas panels, $24 each. Remember – original art makes a lovely gift! Leave a comment today and be entered in a drawing for “One Day at a Time” original mini-collage, shown above!
[Update: They're up!]
Tomorrow: Another giveaway from a spectacular woman
