Sometimes
Sometimes you have to travel across an ocean, miles from everything that is familiar to you, from almost everyone you love most, to a place where one person lives, opens her home to you and provides a space of such safety, acceptance and mindfulness that it is not possible for your heart to do anything but break wide open.
Sometimes you find yourself sitting in a foreign land where the waves crash more thunderously and the wind travels more forcefully, where the color of the sky determines what your day will look like – adventurous trekking over farmland and forest or quiet hours spent examining all the intricacies of who you are, how you’ve become this, all the ways you’ve fucked up and soared beautifully and why you’ve chosen to live a life this committed to such intense self-awareness.
Sometimes you sit on the porch of a beach house in a town with a funny name listening to a piece of music, sobbing quietly as the birds flutter around you oblivious to the fact that your heart feels such a profound sense of peace that you think you just might dissolve into a million pieces of light right then and there.
Every journey changes us – every step we take away from our comfort zone is capable of shifting our perspective of the world and our place in it. This journey is no exception, and I will leave a part of myself behind when I return home, experiencing a sense of wholeness I cannot yet articulate, but in my bones tastes like marrow made of stars.
How to Love the World
To Begin With, the Sweet Grass
(excerpt)
1.
Will the hungry ox stand in the field and not eat
of the sweet grass?
Will the owl bite off its own wings?
Will the lark forget to lift its body in the air or
forget to sing?
Will the rivers run upstream?
Behold, I say – behold
the reliability and the finery and the teachings
of this gritty earth gift.
2.
Eat bread and understand comfort.
Drink water, and understand delight.
Visit the garden where the scarlet trumpets
are opening their bodies for the hummingbirds
who are drinking the sweetness, who are
thrillingly gluttonous.
For one thing leads to another.
Soon you will notice how stones shine underfoot.
Eventually tides will be the only calendar you believe in.
And someone's face, whom you love, will be as a star
both intimate and ultimate,
and you will be both heart-shaken and respectful.
And you will hear the air itself, like a beloved, whisper:
oh, let me, for a while longer, enter the two
beautiful bodies of your lungs.
7.
What I loved in the beginning, I think, was mostly myself.
Never mind that I had to, since somebody had to.
That was many years ago.
Since then I have gone out from my confinements,
through with difficulty.
I mean the ones that thought to rule my heart.
I cast them out, I put them on the mush pile.
They will be nourishment somehow (everything is nourishment
somehow or another).
And I have become the child of the clouds, and of hope.
I have become the friend of the enemy, whoever that is.
I have become older and, cherishing what I have learned,
I have become younger.
And what do I risk to tell you this, which is all I know?
Love yourself. Then forget it. Then, love the world.
~ Mary Oliver ~
Five Things
1. Ingrid Dijkers' wee vessels – one is shown above – are fascinating and beautiful.
2. I love Beklina's selection of eco-friendly goodness, from clothing to my favorite – paper.
3. Poets & Writers: "The nation's largest non-profit organization serving creative writers."
4. Head to Art and Letter for a wonderful mix of art, design and DIY projects.
5. Good thing I had this handy guide to Kiwi lingo, because I'm in New Zealand right now!! Hopefully, by the time you're reading this, I'll be fitting in so well everyone will be mistaking me for a native. That'll be choice, bro.
Studio News
Here's the latest & greatest from my studio in Santa Monica…
* I will be away from this blog through April 5th. By the time you are reading this, I'll be across the Pacific to stalk Jemaine visit this extraordinary soul. I won't be posting while I am there, but I have scheduled my usual Friday Five Things as well as a few other inspiring goodies. I'm sure I'll return with thrilling tales of swashbuckling adventure, so get ready!
* When I return, I'll be featuring new originals and stationery sets on my Etsy shop, and also gearing up for a Paper & Stitch exhibit starting at the end of April.
* In the meantime, you can now pre-order the next issue of Portals Zine – shown above – which features an interview with yours truly. It also includes great tutorials, eye candy and other creative goodies. Head to Joleen's blog to order.
* I've also just sent four original prints to Artstream Studios for their upcoming print show, which opens May 1st. Visit the Artstream website for details.
* And there are three – count 'em – three ultra supersonic secret surprises coming down the pipeline. Maybe even a fourth. I'll be able to announce two of them next month. Stay tuned!
* Two more online interviews are teed up for this spring, and I'll announce those as soon as they're up. I am also honored to share that I have been asked to be the keynote speaker at the upcoming Women in Leadership and Philanthropy's Circle of Excellence Conference this June. OK – I have been asked to return to my alma mater to speak – does this mean I'm officially a grown up? That I've actually made something of myself? I just hope they don't look up my transcripts and see that I failed freshman Chemistry…
Warriors
For the record: personal essay writing is not for the faint of heart. One must be willing to go to emotional extremes that are far beyond comfortable, the same way it might feel traversing to all of the extremes within our earth's atmosphere without oxygen or water, from the depths of the ocean to the heat of the Sahara to heights beyond Everest. Not only that, but, as is true with any kind of writing, one must be willing to mold and shape a piece of writing through sheer force of will and dogged determination. In other words, hard work and sustained effort. Draft after draft after draft, writing ten pages only to delete eight of them, knowing that without the stumblings of first drafts, second, third and tenth drafts are not possible.
In personal essay writing, one does not just peruse the aisles of memories that shaped one's sense of loss, joy, trauma, fear and beauty. One pulls them off the shelves, wipes the dust away, puts them under a microscope, and searches for the perfect way to express why they were meaningful, horrifying, magnificent and transformative. Anyone willing to look that closely at one's own mishaps, fumbles, triumphs and vulnerabilities needs the same kind of courage the Cowardly Lion was so desperate for in The Wizard of Oz. Times ten. It is messy work, but when that perfect string of words is brought together in a way that lets the reader know they are being given a naked glimpse into the soul of another human being, well, that – that is simply magic. Personal essay writing, at its best, is about a level of honesty with nary a layer of gloss or protective film. It is about laying bare one's beliefs, dreams and philosophies, rays of light that are filtered through stories about things like Homecoming dances, marathons, rock concerts and chocolate sodas.
I had a long conversation with a dear friend today, and one of the last things she said hit me like a rainbow-colored lightening bolt right to my core. She was speaking of her own writing, but I will present it here as a message for all of us, because I believe it is a jewel of wisdom everyone could use. I am paraphrasing, but it went something like this:
"When we can trust the love we have – when we know, not just believe, that we have enough love – we are free to write honestly, even knowing that the more honestly we share, express and expose ourselves, the easier we are making it for some people to not like us. This does not mean rejection or criticism will be easy, but it means we always have the safety net of genuine love and support to fall back on. With this safety net, we are able to write as honestly as possible, and it is this kind of honesty that makes for the very best writing."
This is from the wise and magnificent Blue Poppy, who just yesterday wrote her final blog post, which is one of those brave, bittersweet pieces of writing that makes my heart sing and weep at the same time.
{sigh}
But I brought up the topic of personal essay writing for another reason: To say thank you. Last week I attended my last session of the Personal Essay class I have been taking since January, and as I walked out of the classroom, looking ahead to the next class I've already signed up for, I couldn't help but think, "Shit, it might just be all downhill from here, because that was pretty damn near perfect." An insightful, inspiring teacher and a group of fellow students who were willing to brave the storms, shine a light on their deepest scars and read aloud pieces of writing they knew to be far from finished. It was as if we all walked into a perfect little bubble every Wednesday night where every challenge given to us was offered on a soft velvet pillow that said "You are safe" in gold embroidery. In this sense of safety, everyone was brave, sharing their light and their dark and much in between.
It is supposed to be true that an entity such as a writing class be a space of respect, safety and encouragement, but this is not always so. It just so happens that I managed to land myself amongst a group of individuals who cared that this be true, who aimed to create a space that held each of us as gently as possible, and in that holding, brought us all a little higher, closer to our dreams as writers, closer to our very best selves.
Five Things
1. Mark your calendars for the opening of Full of Grace – a solo show featuring new works from the Amazingly Creative Anne Carmack. Friday, April 3, 2009 – just two weeks away – at The Brickhouse Cafe in Venice, CA. Visit her Folk & Fable website for more details.
2. I went to Unique Los Angeles this past December and got a slew of beautiful, handcrafted Christmas gifts. They are hosting a second weekend-long event this May, and the deadline to apply is this Tuesday, March 24th. Click here for information on how to apply. I hope to see you there!
3. Elsa Mora – how do I love thee? Have you seen her new blog The Hidden Seed? Fabu-lo-so!
4. The next time you need a gift, head to The Shophouse for intriguing found objects and fine fabrications.
5. We will miss you Blue Poppy! Head to her blog today for her – sniff – final entry. (I will not cry, I will not cry…)
6. …but the title says FIVE things! What is this world coming to? But, hey, it's for a good cause!! The lovely Carolyn Rubenstein is organizing and online fundraising event for Hodgkin's Lymphoma research, a cause very close to my heart. Please consider donating one of your lovely creations for this event. Email Carolyn at carolyn@cccscholarships.org for all the details. The event is coming up soon!
Blog Buttons – Hooray!
Ms. Inspired Writer herself, Shannon Jackson Arnold, gave me the idea to create some fancy little blog buttons and I loved it! Each of the buttons shown above have been uploaded individually, so you can take whichever images you'd like. Feel free to link them back here or pretend your blog is your studio and these are your own personal inspirational wall hangings. Enjoy!
The Journey
The Journey
Above the mountains
the geese turn into
the light again
Painting their
black silhouettes
on an open sky.
Sometimes everything
has to be
inscribed across
the heavens
so you can find
the one line
already written
inside you.
Sometimes it takes
a great sky
to find that
small, bright
and indescribable
wedge of freedom
in your own heart.
Sometimes with
the bones of the black
sticks left when the fire
has gone out
someone has written
something new
in the ashes of your life.
You are not leaving
you are arriving.
~ David Whyte ~
Ordinary Sparkling Moments
Hope you enjoy my latest video project, inspired by "Ordinary Sparkling Moments"
Five Things
[Image taken from Le Love Blog]
1. I am head over heels in love with Le Love.
2. The Walls Notebook is one of those ideas I wish I'd thought of!
3. Want to be known as the Julie McCoy of your social circle without destroying the planet? Head to Celebrate Green for all kinds of ideas on green entertaining.
4. Artist Kelly Kilmer has a great list of inspiring, creative books coming out this year. Head over to her blog for all the details on 2009 books to look forward to.
5. I am so happy I was able to see Mark Ryden's The Tree Show in person when it was in Los Angeles. Flipping through the pages of my recently purchased copy of The Tree Show reminded me of what an extraordinary talent he is.
