Saying No
[Taken in La Boca, Buenos Aires in 2006.]
This seems to be the theme of the week, where I've made the choice to pass on a few opportunities. In each of these situations, there was that instance of, "But if I say no, then some spectacular tragedy will befall me and I'll regret it!" With regard to my pulling my latest submission out of consideration for the June issue of Skirt! the tragedy was that I wouldn't be four for four with my essay submission to publication ratio. Can you imagine the devastation? I'm amazed I managed to get out of bed that morning.
Kidding aside, it was oh-so tempting to try to force the piece into a finished form as quickly as possible, but I knew deep down that if I chose that route I would be cheating the piece. I have spoken before about the partnership I share with each of my creations, and if I were to brush aside the needs of the piece I would be brushing aside my number one ally. Call it my muse, my guardian angel, my daemon…no matter what name I might give it, I do not serve it (or make it happy) when I ignore its needs.
There was another opportunity that had been in the works for many weeks. It was a potential licensing contract with a company I was excited to work with. After going back and forth over the details of the contract and asking all the questions I needed to ask, I was finally faced with an offer that was pretty good. Not great, not bad…just pretty good. Part of me wanted to take the opportunity to simply be able to add that line to my resume, so to speak, but a bigger part of me knew it wasn't what I wanted, and that if I took it on I would resent every minute of working on it. So I said no.
The best part? I feel great about this, and grateful to have had the opportunity to have this exchange. I have no hard feelings whatsoever towards this company and don't take any of it personally. We were honest with one another, respectful and kind, and I know I made the right decision. The decision came from honoring what I really wanted and also trusting that in closing that door I would be creating room for something else, time and space for longer term goals and more meaningful projects.
Between these two experiences, I feel myself moving closer to my most important and meaningful work. A lot of cobwebs have been cleared out of my way since the beginning of the year, and I am removing more distractions every day.
“Work is hard. Distractions are plentiful. And time is short.” ~Adam Hochschild
Desktop Wallpapers
Decorate your desktop with wallpapers inspired by Ordinary Sparkling Moments. I'll post two new wallpapers every month, and iPhone wallpapers are coming soon!
Be Bold: 1024 x 768 :: 1280 x 1024 :: 1600 x 1200
Unique Journey: 1024 x 768 :: 1280 x 1024 :: 1600 x 1200
Too Much / Too Little
[Shoes on a wire :: Taken on the South Island of New Zealand earlier this year.]
One consistent comment I've received about my work is that it is too personal. I know this sounds like I'm trying to be clever here, but I've never taken this personally. If anything, I've always looked at these comments like a dog (a very cute, lovable dog, of course) cocking her head sideways at a strange sound. I tend to believe the more personal the creative expression the better – barring salacious over-exposure – because that not only makes the story (or song, or work of art) more interesting and original, but in that unique expression, the personal becomes the universal. The way I tend to look at these comments is that my work is simply not meant for those that have this opinion. And that is not my way of being snarky or snide, it is more that I recognize not everyone is entirely comfortable with that level of honesty or exposure, and that is OK.
So I find it quite fascinating that the opinion I've received from a number of people this past week about different projects I shared with them was that there wasn't enough of me in those pieces"
"…there just seems to be something missing and I think it’s a real sense of you in the piece."
Funny thing: I know they are exactly right, and the encouragement these comments are giving me is to continue to be brave, especially with my writing. Until recently, I have approached my writing as an exercise in trying to convey certain feelings and ideas without delving into too many specific details, particularly about family issues, sad stories, and painful memories. I have tried to express deep emotions without hanging every sordid detail on the line with them. This has worked well enough, and I've written pieces that I am proud of within this framework, but I am trying to move beyond this self-imposed limitation and speak more plainly of some of my life experiences. This means I risk upsetting some and really pissing off others, it means I might be letting the world into some of my darkest moments, exposing them to whatever opinions a reader might decide to form about me based on whatever facts I choose to share. It is scary stuff, and as I work on these pieces, every so often I have to stop and cover my face with my hands, temporarily unable to believe some of these memories actually happened, and that I'm actually writing about them..
I started to dive into these waters in my writing class, and took another significant leap when I submitted one of these pieces to Skirt! for their June issue. I sent it in, knowing it might be too heavy for Skirt!, but proud of myself for taking the risk anyway, and doing what I felt was best for the piece. As brave as I felt after sending it in, the line quoted above is the feedback I received, and believe it or not, that feedback inspired me to keep going in the direction I was going. I tried to continue shaping the piece – to add that more personal element to it – but the piece kept evolving, growing, moving and expanding – so I wrote back to the editor and explained that I needed to keep working on the piece rather than try to finish it in time for the June issue. So I won't have an essay in next month's Skirt!, but in ruling that out as a possibility, I have opened up a much larger space to continue working on this piece.
Deadlines are important, and necessary to move projects forward, but sometimes we need to remove our creative process from the enclosed space of deadlines in order to give them as much room as possible to grow, even if that means we have to sit out for a game or two, head buried in our work, oblivious to the world around us.
Five Things
1. Pixie Campbell has opened up a beautiful Etsy shop called Animama. Do you want the original shown above? Too bad, it's mine.
2. Don't miss Marisa Haedike's show at Black Maria this weekend! Details here.
3. I've always loved Amy Poehler. After learning about her gig with Smart Girls at the Party I love her even more.
4. The Unfolding Your Life Vision Kit – better than origami and so much more inspiring!
5. Sharon Montrose was a busy girl at last weekend's Unique Los Angeles show. Something tells me she's only going to get busier.
Poise
Two recent blog entries – one written, one video – have me thinking a lot about creating a balance between the inward and the outward as an artist and writer. As wonderful as it is that we now have countless avenues for sharing, promoting, and selling our work, it sometimes feels like a slippery slope that leads me to a state of panic over whether or not I'm doing enough to stay relevant and inspiring. I realized this week I have become downright fearful of staying too quiet for too long. I have been walking around with fantasies of ignoring all things internet-related for an entire week in order to sink as deeply into my creative work as possible and the idea actually makes me nervous. My fantasies of wild, uninhibited, uninterrupted creative work quickly morph into a scenario where, at the end of that blissful week, I return to the world only to find I've been totally and completely forgotten.
This all comes from ego-based fear, from an area in the universe of my mind that has a giant track stadium and I'm in a race – a race against time and everyone else. In this particular neighborhood, the more time I take away from the roar of the crowd, the more I risk losing everything. It is completely irrational, but the good news is that it is motivating me to stay disciplined with my thoughts, shifting them to something else when that sense of panic begins to seep into my bones.
For me, there are two issues: time spent paying attention to what other people are doing and time spent getting my work seen (on my blog, in my Etsy shop, in a show, etc.) I have gotten into a cycle lately – particularly with my writing – where I work on something and it is immediately out in the world. It is positive and encouraging to get this immediate feedback on a regular basis, but I need to devote more time to longer term creations and projects that either have no specific goal or deadline or are for a larger project with a timeline that extends far into the future, such as a book proposal. As far as time spent on seeing what other artists are up to, I am trying to honor that moment when my energies shift from being inspired to being drained. Like anything else, it takes practice and discipline, and with both of these issues, I am trying to make small changes one day at a time.
I am trying to make a living as an artist, but as an artist I also need long stretches of time where I am completely absorbed in my work, where I shut off the world and refuse to allow thoughts of what anyone else is doing influence what I want to create. This is what I am working on, bit by bit, so that one day, hopefully not too far away, the thought of taking a week of creative solitude will give me an immediate sense of calm.
"Detachment must be cultivated against the longing to be perfectly open and receptive. It all comes back to poise, the poise of the soul when it is in true balance." -May Sarton
Tuesday Goodness
My new stationery sets are here! Send some love & inspiration with these two-sided, full-color flat correspondence cards. Cards are 5.5" x 8.5" and come with 100% recycled cream colored envelopes. I have sets of four (one of each design) and sets of eight (two of each design) available. Limited quantities!
TODAY ONLY: Order a Sparkling Stationery Set of Eight OR one of my Limited Edition Prints and receive a FREE mini-set of postcards (one each of six designs). Enter the code HIYA when you check out. Head to Paper & Stitch for all the goods.
*****
I have been flitting between various projects lately, which involve mannequins, a makeshift recording studio in my closet, stories about Japan, a secret video project and a speech about following dreams. Part of me feels like this makes me "scattered", but when I stop and consider that I'm actually getting things done in all of this bandying about, I see that maybe my best approach to time management is focusing on an array of projects for smaller chunks of time throughout any given day. It can't always be like this, and I know each of these projects is going to need longer spans of attention as deadlines approach, but right now I am savoring my ability to stay on different tasks for as long as my energies allow. For at least a few more days, I have the ability to be soft in my approach to focus, to let myself glide between this and that like a bumble bee in a colorful garden.
Pay Close Attention
As I'm out and about – at the dry cleaners, the grocery store, the coffee shop and such – I try to be present with all the people I interact with on these errands. The sight of someone talking on a cell phone while they are checking out at a grocery store makes my head spin and my heart sink. The idea that someone can be so self-involved as to completely ignore and discount the person standing in front of them is right up there with spitting in public and littering. I realize these statements are judgmental in nature, but I can't help but marvel that so much of humanity feels no need to maintain the most basic standards of civility. If I want to spin the behavior of the few bad examples I see now and then (thankfully these are the exceptions), I can say they inspire me to be kind, to never take for granted that these small gestures make a difference.
So this is what I do, and it involves four very simple steps:
* Look the person in the eye
* Smile
* Ask how their day is going
* Say thank you
So simple! So effortless! Yet time and time and time again, when I do this – particularly looking someone in the eye – I get a slight double take with a subtle look of surprise, like they can't believe I actually notice them. Maybe this is only true in Los Angeles, where self-absorption is an art form, but I get this reaction more often than not….so often I am writing about it.
How many people do we interact with on a given week? Grocery store clerks, postal workers, waiters, coffee servers, toll booth workers, UPS drivers…each person doing his or her job, each person with their own imaginings and stories. Look them in the eye, smile, ask how they are, say thank you. Notice their reaction, notice how this not only gives them an extra sparkle in their eye, but it gives you this sparkle as well. It's just that simple.
Sliver of Tokyo
[Taken in Sendai, Japan last month.]
Tokyo by Numbers
4: Times I've visited
at least 12: Times a Japanese person has looked at me and laughed…at me
75+: Miles I've walked throughout Tokyo
12.8 million: Population of Tokyo
9.8 million: Population of Los Angeles
5470: Miles between Los Angeles and Tokyo
16: Time difference between Los Angeles and Tokyo in hours
14,582,954: Number of photos of cherry blossoms I took on my last trip to Tokyo
2: Average size of clothing available for sale in most Tokyo shops. In other words, I'm an amazon.
2.5: Hours it takes to travel from Tokyo to Sendai on a bullet train
7: Hours it would take to travel the same distance by car
250,000: Number of people who cross Shibuya Crossing every Saturday
Tokyo by Other Bits & Pieces
Stationery, pens, washcloths: three things I always buy in Tokyo
Clothing: something I never buy in Tokyo (see last item above)
Chirping birds: The recorded sound that comes on in department store restrooms as soon as one sits on the toilet
Fish heads: weirdest food I've eaten, which may or may not actually be the weirdest, because sometimes I don't know what I'm eating
Little Bo Peep, Goth, Rockabilly: Fashion themes of kids in Harajuku
Move, Expert, Fit, Life, Comfort: Names of cars in Japan
Soybean paste: Main ingredient in most Japanese bakery sweets
Rainbow, First Wood: Names of hotels between Narita Airport and Tokyo
100 Books Project :: Japan
[Book #6 :: Near the Ginza, Tokyo April 14, 2009]
On my recent trip to Japan, I took a stack of books with me for the next round of my 100 Books Project. I have yet to mention what it feels like to leave my books here and there surreptitiously, not to mention photograph them. It is just nerve-wracking enough to give me a giddy thrill – I'm so worried that in the ever-so-slightly-paranoid state of our society someone is going to see me leave a package somewhere and think I am up to something untoward. I had three books with me when I went to LAX's international terminal on the day of my flight to Japan, but only ended up leaving one behind (book #5) after hearing a repeated chorus of warnings against leaving any article, item, bag or belonging anywhere unattended in the airport. I had visions of the bomb squad being called in to inspect a thin, square, brown paper wrapped item and then being arrested for breaking the mother of all airport rules. In other words, I chickened out, and therefore took twice as many books overseas as I had originally intended. But that's part of the fun – rolling with the unexpected twists, even if those twists are created by my wimping out.
Whatever concerns I had leaving the first five books out & about were multiplied by a hundred in Japan. I mean – hel-LO – I am a 5'7" blonde in Tokyo…I stand out a little bit. So my story repeated itself, and I only managed to leave a book behind in this particular manner once (book #6), in the basket of a turquoise blue bicycle near the Ginza, pictured above.
But my strategy for giving these gifts took a lovely turn quickly, and it happened without my even deciding this ahead of time. A moment arrived, I made a spontaneous decision, and that became my method for the rest of my time in Japan. I was in one of Tokyo's big department stores, Matsuya Ginza, and I came upon a display of jewelry that I couldn't pull myself away from. The designer was not there, but the artist she was sharing her display with told me – in very broken English – that she would be back soon. I hung around for a while longer, tried on a few pieces, and decided to be good and not buy anything.
As I began to walk away, I nearly bumped into the designer. For some reason I knew it was her immediately, and began a conversation by gushing over her creations. Within five minutes, I decided to purchased this:
We continued to talk for a while and I discovered her husband was from the U.K. – so her English was very good – that this was a temporary display at the department store, and she was moving on to another show that week. That day was her last day at Matsuya.
As I reached into my purse to get my wallet, I looked down, saw my book, and decided in that instant that I wanted her to have one of these 100 books. Without hesitating, I pulled it out, handed it to her and said, "This is for you!" She was taken aback, and when I explained it was my book her eyes grew wide. "Can I open it now?" she asked. Within a few minutes she was looking through my book and I was showing her which pages had photos I had taken on previous trips to Japan. As we stood together, she happened to flip open to the "beautiful ripple effect" page. She read it, and when she was finished, she looked up at me with tears in her eyes.
[Miki Zambuni with her gorgeous creations, after receiving Book #7]
Miki was sharing this display with another artist, and I couldn't cope with the idea of giving a book to Miki and not her friend. I only had the one book with me, but more back at our hotel, so I told her I would go get another one and bring it back. My arms were full of bags from my favorite stationery store in the Ginza anyway, so it was good timing.
Fast forward an hour later, and I was back with book #8 for the artist who creates these lovely treasures, who, unfortunately, I wasn't able to talk to because she was busy with customers. (But I'm glad we couldn't speak because she was busy selling her creations!) I was leaving the book with Miki, but before we said good-bye, she pulled out my book, already marked with post-it notes on her favorite pages. I loved seeing which pages touched her most, and loved when she told me she had already called her husband telling him about our meeting, my book and our wonderfully sparkling moment. When I got back home, I received an email from her that said, "I have been reading the book and lots of your words touch my heart and I especially like the collage. During that exhibition a lot of foreigners came to my stall, but with you it felt like we were friends before, very easy to talk to you. My friend said I looked very natural and happy when we were talking, so you made that exhibition very special for me."
This is one of the funnest things I've ever done. More stories soon.
Five Things
1. Blue Poppy told me Uppercase magazine is the bee's knees and I immediately subscribed. If she likes it, that's enough for me!
2. More link love from Blue Poppy: The 3/50 Project. Love. Love. Love.
3. There's a new crack dealer bakery in Santa Monica. Huckleberry Cafe is dee-LISH.
4. Doorways Traveler is a new blog I'm loving.
5. Don't miss Unique Los Angeles this weekend!! Marisa Haedike will be there, along with oodles of other fabulous indy artists. I went in December – with Ms. Blue Poppy herself (is it obvious I miss her?) – and came home with armloads of beautiful creations.
6. OK, maybe I should start calling this column "Five or Six Things"…but my latest essay for Skirt! magazine just went up!!
