[gallery columns="1"] This morning the sky is a pale gray with wisps of fog drifting by. I like fog in the morning - I find it very peaceful and in many ways actually inviting. As if to say, "Just watch - I have a lovely gift for you just beneath the surface..." and before you know it patches of bright blue sky start to peek out and a beautiful day is on its way.
I feel like this is where I am in my career - in a place with a lot of unknowns ahead of me but still much beauty. Beauty in the uncertainty, beauty in the freedom. Beauty in the act of change and in letting go of something that worked very well for a long time. What lies beneath the fog that now surrounds me? I will only find out by moving forward.
Very often we look at our lives and think, "Once this is done or that is in place,then I will be happy." It is difficult for me to look at my life and think that way, because who knows what other events and circumstances will arise with things we might want. As in, "Be careful what you wish for." I do not want to focus too much on what I don't have, and take for granted the here and now. It is all an act of balancing - balancing dreams with the reality of your life, throwing caution to the wind versus paying the bills, balancing home, career and friends. Balancing making a dream real versus seeing what other plans your dream might have in store for you. When is it better to resist a little bit? When does it make more sense to release something you wanted and trust that things will work out? So many options to weigh and factors to consider. Being clear on one's priorities is imperative every step of the way. I honestly do not have a grand plan or a myriad of to do lists at the moment - at this beginning stage of a major career shift. Right now I am still surveying what little I can see in front of me, and packing my bags with new tools, maps and guidebooks.
I have an extraordinary revolving door that will take me from one chapter of my career to the next - a trip to Tokyo. I have never been, and will be there for a week in early July, tagging along with my fiancee as he is going there for business. If you have seen Lost in Translation, that will be me - wandering around, mouth agape, taking it all in and having no clue where I'm going (or what anything around me says.) When I return from this trip, I begin another journey immediately. Tokyo will represent a sliding door - the portal from one experience as an artist to another. I happen to know that this time of the year it will be extremely hot in Tokyo. I also know I will have fierce jetlag, I'll be on my own most of the time and, as I said, I will have no clue what any sign, newspaper or map says. And I can't wait to go - to be the weird, tall, blonde chick that people stare at, seeing that I clearly have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. To be lost, uncomfortable and confused. To be a stranger in a strange land, with my instincts and wee bit of wisdom to guide me through the challenges. To be free enough to risk appearing a little bit foolish and smart enough to just enjoy it for what it will be - another experience, another series of days in my life.
"The first step shall be to lose the way."