[gallery columns="1"] So I wasn't actually having a margarita made in my mouth this past weekend, but at times it did feel like one was permanently attached to my lips. That isn't really true either, but it sounds great, doesn't it? More than anything, my time in Cabo San Lucas was spent lying in the sun, absorbed in my book, looking up now and then to watch the whales swim by. I forgot how easy it is to hop on a plane and be on a beach with turquoise waters in just about two hours. Los Angeles to Baja = an easy weekend getaway.
For all of last week, I kept reminding myself I was going to Mexico for the weekend, but it never really sank in until we got there and were handed margaritas as soon as we arrived at our hotel, the low-key yet divine Twin Dolphin. Once it hit me, all the cells in my body immediately began humming at a slower pace and steadier hum - moving in tune with the sounds of the ocean more than the buzz of helicopters and car alarms that fill the air in our Venice neighborhood. Our first night there I slept more soundly than I had in weeks, waking up as if from a drug-induced euphoria.
After arriving back at LAX this afternoon, my body immediately shifted to life in the fast lane mode. I must admit I was eager to return home and get back to work, feeling energized and renewed, but now here I am on a Monday night, my mind racing too fast for me to fall asleep. I'm barely back for seven hours and I already feel like I've lost every bit of the soothing energy that consumed me in Baja. As excited as I am to continue on the journey I wrote so passionately about last week, this is totally bumming me out. I suppose the change was too abrupt - from the minute we landed I have not been still until right now, and tomorrow I hit the road again, driving up to Solvang to take care of the final touches before putting our house back on the market. If this first weekend in February was about stillness, these next many weeks are most certainly about movement. If Mexico was about sitting back and letting my thoughts float this way and that, I am now poised to go through a period in which I know I must confront certain issues no matter how challenging.
I wrote last week about the forward motion of all my work - about the concept of all my energy existing in a teardrop space, with everything making its way to a more focused point. I am as adrenalized now as I was last week when all of this came spewing forth, but I am more keenly aware of the fact that my personal life needs to take the reins for a while. Between my grandma's recent death, my upcoming wedding, and this recent surge in passion for my work, certain issues in my personal life are rising to the surface and I can no longer take the path of least resistance when dealing with them. In all honesty this is kind of frightening, and I am trying to be careful not to overthink things and/or make a fuss where there doesn't need to be one. But if I am now on a journey in which my mission is to inspire others to live a life of passion, creativity, honesty and authenticity, then I must do all that I can to live by those ideals in my own life. In other words, I believe the time has come for me to tie up as many loose ends as possible so that this force of good I want to create in the world is as genuine and aligned as possible. As much as I am an organizer by nature, I am not good at compartmentalizing areas of my life. I don't see my work life and personal like as separate, but instead as intertwined. I don't divide up my days or weeks into "work time" versus "personal time" - my actions and experiences flow in and out of each other. While one area might take up more of my focus than another at certain times, they are all related and connected.
I don't really know where I am going with this, but I needed to write about this because matters that are of a more personal nature are what I find myself consumed with in these first hours since my return from Mexico. These are the most immediate hurdles before me, and I admit this does not exactly thrill me, at least not the ones that are currently occupying my brain space. For a few brief moments during my weekend away, I could not stop the tears from flowing, thinking about some of these things that I now must face once and for all (or at least for right now). As always, all I can do is try my best, see how it all unfolds, and take whatever lessons from it I can to feed my creative fire. I think there's plenty of fuel in store for me...