Holiday Shopping

I went to Target yesterday, and filled a cart to overflowing. I had to go to the second level, and decided to take the escalator, because they have those contraptions that will take your cart up alongside you. So I shove mine in, whereupon it gets immediately stuck because the toilet paper and tissue boxes I had underneath fell off and jammed the equipment. Of course the whole thing stops, and as I look around - both on the first level and up above on the second level - everyone is giving me looks that say, "Thanks a lot you f***ing idiot."

Trying to solve the problem myself, I reach over and pull the toilet paper up - Got it! - but the tissue boxes are still down there, and just a wee bit farther out of reach. So I step onto the first step of the regular escalator - which is still working fine, by the way - and try to reach down for the tissues. Naturally, as I reach down, the moving hand rail begins to pull me upward, and my feet kind of fly up and I have to clumsily leap off and get myself down off of the escalator before it carries me up to the next level and I then get looks that say, "Please go back to the home for special needs where YOU OBVIOUSLY LIVE and where your caretakers clearly made a bad decision giving you permission to go out in public without a guardian."

A very nice Target associate helped me out of my predicament, and I got all of my shopping done without any more fiascos, but let this be a lesson to you:  Don't go shopping at Target with me. It will only embarrass you.

Christine Mason Miller

Santa Barbara, CA

Writer * Artist * Storyteller * Guide