The Work :: Part Two

{See my previous entry for Part One.}

What commenced was the beginning of a personal transformation that I consider as profound and meaningful as what I went through during my divorce, which is the time I consider the end-all-be-all train track cha-chunk change in the course of my life. The difference with this more recent re-calibration is that it has been a slower, more methodical undertaking, happening over the course of countless tiny moments ~ moments I recognized as opportunities to put new habits into practice and establish new patterns in my life.

The life cycle of these small yet potent exchanges have gone like this ~ something happens, and I get immediately wound up. The getting wound up part then sends my brain a message: "Hey look! An opportunity!" whereupon I immediately settle down and begin to think carefully about how I want to react, respond, interpret, and judge. And this always leads me to the same conclusion, which is that I don't need to do any of those things. I do not need to react, respond, interpret, or judge. I only need to be honest with myself, take responsibility for whatever I have done to create the situation I'm in, and then, if it involves someone else, be honest with whoever I am dealing with. I may need to set a boundary, I might need to apologize, or, as in most cases, I might not need to do or say a thing. And in between these trigger situations, my most important work is to release any and all expectations regardless of the situation. Any. And all.

You see, before I published Ordinary Sparkling MomentsI made decisions about the way I thought things should work and then proceeded to mistake those assumptions for truth. I decided that A + B = C, unaware of the blind spots such decisions created. I walked through life thinking that if I acted and spoke and lived and created in a certain way, then the parts of the world I existed in would function a certain way. The cycle I kept repeating occurred in those moments when the dominos didn't fall in the neat, orderly dance I believed they should, and, for too long, instead of taking a close look at the assumptions I was making ~ and the expectations embedded in them ~ I simply dug in deeper and became more determined to do what I felt like I needed to do to create what I wanted in my life.

{more tomorrow...}

Christine Mason Miller

Santa Barbara, CA

Writer * Artist * Storyteller * Guide