Shell Shocked

 

My husband resigned. His last day was last Friday. We had a busy weekend socially, then spent most of Monday getting the house looking picture perfect for the real estate agent caravan the next day. But before the cleaning and arranging frenzy, I had a yoga session and cried through much of it. The message my instructor was offering me was to "allow", which I elaborated on a bit right here. It is not easy for me to show emotion so outwardly ~ in the middle of yoga no less ~ but I knew that was an opportunity for release. A reminder, once again, that it is in those tiny moments where the greatest opportunities exist to transform, to try something new, to begin the work of  whittling out a new pattern. I developed a very strong streak of stoicism at a very young age, and it takes a lot for me to let loose with the tears. So while I can't say I unleashed Niagra Falls while in pigeon pose, I can say I didn't resist what came up, and that was positive movement.

The next morning a veritable sales team descended upon our house, armed with flyers and sign in sheets and green open house flags posted on our front walkway. For any motivated home buyer ~ which we are, sort of ~ everything they said should have been greeted with joy. "The market is hot," "Inventory in this neighborhood is low," "The house looks perfect."

"Great! Thank you! We'll be getting out of your hair now..."

And off my husband and I went ~ to take a carload of boxes to Santa Barbara ~ feeling slightly  to moderately shell-shocked.

Because this means we are moving.

Just like that, the house is beginning to slip away from us. A house we have loved, perhaps more than any other, a house we have filled with joy and laughter and the incredible journey of our family.

Wow.

We dropped things off up north and, suddenly feeling like we're not really settled anywhere anymore, we proceeded to eat lunch in silence and drove home feeling pensive, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

Thank goodness we had dinner plans ~ to get us out of our heads, out of the house, and away from all the questions that had been circling around us like vultures all day long. A delicious meal, good conversation and much positive support later, we headed to bed exhausted, but a lot less chatty in our minds.

It will be like this for some time, when large and small reality checks will come bubbling up to the surface and send our heads spinning. The opportunities in those moments are to sit with the discomfort, to resist the urge to react and respond, to allow whatever comes up to waft through gently, settle in quietly, and then drift away like a cloud.

"Each new day offers possibilities and promises that were never seen before. To engage with honor the full possibility of your life is to engage in a worthy way the possibility of your new day." ~ copyright John O'Donohue, Anam Cara

Christine Mason Miller

Santa Barbara, CA

Writer * Artist * Storyteller * Guide